Can I kill 10 Birds with 1 Stone?

Dear True Love – (Your letter 4 of 12)


REALLY? REALLY? Imagine my surprise when my bell rings and my new best friend the Turkish courier is standing there with another cardboard carrier. He just hands it over, shakes his head and walks away laughing now. I don’t even have to tip him because he clearly thinks I am crazy and he isn’t hanging around for a few dollars from A CRAZY BIRD LADY!

Did we ever have conversations that I do not remember? Did I ever say I wanted my own personal Aviary? I opened the newest carrier to find four black birds huddled in the corner and might I add, a whole lot of white Sh%$!
Of course not having the appropriate accommodations for the birds I released them to join the partridge, (who is having an identity crises and a hard time with his new environment.) He has taken to pecking at the window EVERY five minutes to get my attention. He tried hanging out with the Cardinals but they want NOTHING to do with him, and the other birds you have left me think he is a little odd, so he now wants ME. The doves are up in a tree preening, cooing and harassing the partridge who tries to get in on the action, and the hens have taken up in my bushes. They hide in them until I come out of the house and then they attack my ankles. Thankfully is it winter so I am not out of the house much.

PS:  as I write this it is BLIZZARDING here which as you know excites me more than YOU ever did!!

I really must know where you got your gift giving advice from. What exactly did your advisor tell you?  Did you go to the local Zookeeper for advice?? Because I am positive you misunderstood. My good friend Kate thinks you are a bird-brain.

The newest winged members, which your card read: To my Love, Four Calling Birds – Enjoy!
Are circling the house making a LOT of noise. Are you sure you didn’t mean CAWING birds?? I am honestly afraid to go outside. I do not want to end up likes these girls:

Was that your plan? To make me afraid to go outside so you could rescue me? The last person I want rescuing me is YOU.

No longer Yours, you birdbrain, You!

-K

PS- The first card said something about 12 days of Christmas. If I end up with 78 flying rodents, I will hunt you down with the gun that my neighbor is using to scare the birds away…….