Things that make me Smile around the Holidays that otherwise would Annoy the %#$@ out of Me.

We smile, laugh and enjoy the most extraordinary things this time of year that normally we would never tolerate. Here is my list:
For anyone who reads this list and thinks poorly of me for saying it, I do some of these things too!!
(I just won’t admit to which ones)

Decorating your Giant SUV/Mom-Van as though it’s your home. Boughs of holly and twinkly lights.
How come I can never find those battery operated kind?

Wearing Sweatshirts & Sweaters that look like walking decorative pillows. Teddy Bears wearing Santa Hats, Christmas Trees with presents you can actually open, or Nativity Scenes with cartoon characters. That’s just an open invitation for a good ole stare at your chest and some inappropriate petting.

People wearing silly hats. I know you are not Santa or one his helpers, stop confusing my kids.

Ohhing and ahhhing over Giant Lawn Decorations. I especially like when they are half deflated and making obscene gestures.

Listening to Michael Bolton, Mariah Carey & John Tesh. And humming along.

Men who grow out their white beards. And we let our kids sit on their laps.

24/7 runs of The Christmas Story. You’ll want to shoot your eye out, kid.

Sending cards to friends and family with a picture of your dog in one of those funny hats.

Wearing Red and Green together. And thinking it looks good.

Wrapping and giving a gift you have already been given or of something you have at home.

Stealing a gift from someone at a party. And not getting kicked out.


Dressing like Mrs. Clause for nighttime attention.

Listening to lyrics such as: All I want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth, I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas, Don’t be a Jerk it’s Christmas, He’s filled his sleigh with things, things for you and me, and Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.

Putting puppies or kittens in boxes with bows or hanging them in a sock on the fireplace.

Putting so many lights on your house that the neighbors need black-out shades. And the police aren’t the ones shining the light.

Spending so much money on the kids that there is nothing left over for paying the bills. And it’s not school supplies or daycare.

When quantity is better than quality. In food, gifts and kissing.

Lying to your kids. Not about the birds and the bees.

Drinking a concoction of Eggs and Rum. Then lying to your kids.

Enjoying “The Holidays” (saying the politically correct thing instead of what you really mean) in all of it’s TACKY Glory!