I never did get to be the line leader.

I moved half-way through Kindergarten to a new town and a new school. I got there just in time for the big circus production where the teachers thought it was fun for the kids to be circus animals. I really wanted to be a dog that jumped through the hoola hoops, but it wasn’t meant to be.

I am the palest child on the left side, middle row

In first grade I was happy that my teacher had more freckles than I did. I had a lot of freckles but she was COVERED in them. We had a freckle bond and I ended up becoming her babysitter years later. I am pretty sure this was also the year that I lied to the cafeteria lady and told her we had gone to Germany on our spring break. It worked out great until she had my older brother a few lunch periods later.

For some reason we were all into catching flies.  Yes that is me to the left of the teacher.

Second grade was the year I got my glasses. Freckles, glasses and moon boots. I would have traded a pair of crutches for all three in a heartbeat.

In third grade I accidentally swallowed one of the little space guys that floated in my water pen. I was kind of panicked about that one. But then my new jeans made my legs turn blue and I thought I was dying for an entire day. I might have been a hypochondriac that year.

Fourth, Fifth and Sixth grade I spent a good amount of time being the go-between for the boys who liked my friends. That and fielding the never-ending prank calls. It wasn’t quite as embarrassing as when my Dad fought the school board for the bus to come down to our house on the street instead of us having to walk. He rode the bus a few times and then made the school pick my brother and I up in a school owned utility van.

In seventh grade I got contacts, boobs and my first French kiss behind the local library. But it still didn’t score me any dates. I might have had (1) Love is…… on the back of a hand.

In Eighth grade –I finally felt normal looking for the first time – my hair was huge, my shoulder pads were puffy and I could cuff my jeans with the best of them.

I learned in high school that the senior prank was to remove the Letter C from the school name. So in all the other schools we were known as Hard-on High ALL the time, whose mascot wore lederhosen. (the intimidating Hilltopper)

I had to take Driver’s Ed through the school program that was free, so I spent an entire semester eating my lunch in the back seat of an AMC Eagle listening to Rush Limbaugh on AM radio. I managed to not throw up one time and passed my driving test with flying colors.

bottom row, third from the left - just trying to squeeze those shoulder pads in.....

When I won prom queen my senior year someone yelled “I want a re-count!"

Not the year I won - CLEARLY wasn't ready....

My freshman year of college I drove an Aries K car that everyone called Milky. This car was towed every single Saturday of a home football game because I would forget to move it out of the parking lot our dorm shared with the stadium. I had to babysit to pay the fines, which would have been OK, except I could never get to the jobs without my car.

I failed my first college class because of a boy. He got an A.

I had my first sexual harassment experience in college when I interviewed to be a professor’s assistant. I should have known when the interview was in his home and there were no lights on.

I am so glad my school years are over. I am one person who never, ever dreams of going back. In fact, my nightmares are focused around school.

But for all the kids going back to school this week, I wish you luck and the least amount of embarrassment possible.

They seemed to have gotten the good genes.