Endangered Object #335: The House Phone

 I love my cell phone.  We got rid of our house phone because each of us now has a cell phone.  No more telemarketers. No more wrong numbers. No collectors. (Not that I know what those calls would be like or anything –cough, cough)

No more ringing when I am “indisposed”. No more "accidentally" answering the call from someone I don’t want to talk to. ( I would NEVER!)

As a plus, my NEW car is hands-free wired, and when my cell phone jumped into the washer a few months ago, (outdated cell phone suicide) I had to break down and get an iPhone (You can tell I'm a novice - is it I-Phone, iphone, i-phone ???) which I must say really is the best thing since hair color in a box, because let’s face it, sliced bread is OK, but hair color from the grocery store is the bomb (for working Moms on a budget with stubborn greys who has a husband willing to apply it)

I am pretty sure there are some people who have a house phone and one cell phone for the whole house that would be horrified by the ways in which I use said phone:

I text my son all the time.  When he is at home.  In his room. Just a few rooms away from where I am sitting.

 In my defense, his room is upstairs. 

The only other room up those stairs is one other bedroom. The only reason for me to go up those stairs is to have a good yell about the messes, so I avoid that section of the house most days that I want my family to like me.  In my defense, his door is always  shut and the music is louder than my voice can carry.  

Plus, I am tired of going up there and pounding on the door.  Then yelling, and then pushing my way through the door which sticks and squeezing my eyes shut in case I would see something I don't want to see....

So I text him.  He actually thinks this is strange and it has the perfect effect on him. – He comes OUT of his room and joins the family. It's kind of like my way of sending a formal invitation.

I text the hubby romantic promises I have a hard time keeping.  

Can I tell you a little secret? I think about the hubby whenever I am not with him. So I text him what I plan to do or want to do - he responds, and then when it comes down to REAL LIFE – we (me and the mouse in my pocket) are too tired, too busy, too interrupted most of the time, 

so I have resorted to, yes I'm saying it - Sex ting.  (It's pretty PG-13 stuff, I HAVE accidentally included the kids in my messages....)

I send the kids messages of love and encouragement.  I stopped making lunches a long time ago.  On the rare occasion that I do, I always forget to add the little note.  But most days my kids can see a message from me on their phone letting them know I’m thinking of them.  Sometimes it's -

 I love you, hope you have a good day!!

but mostly it's: "If there is a mess when I get home you are so grounded!"

I never call people just to talk…..(where do people find that kind of time??) Unless I’m stuck in traffic, (*hands free) on a long commute, or in a never ending line.  THEN I call my Mom and anyone else I haven’t had time to say Hi to lately who are willing to answer. They feel so special when they get these phone calls from me.  It's like they KNOW I have nothing better to do.... ?

I tease people with silly pictures - this is the cat that refuses to cuddle or associate with any of us.  The other night the girls went to sleepovers and here comes Mr. Anti-Social Pants curling up with the hubby, so of course I had to send it the girls.....

Jealous?

I make plans, then break them.  I grab the phone out of my kids hands and send a text that sounds so much better than what they were going to write.  I keep tabs on where my kids are - 

"You are at Joey's?",

 "OK, then take a picture of you with his Mom."

I program phone numbers I don't ever want to answer with their own ring tone and screen name. Sometimes I have to hide those calls from the kids.....

I've gotten really good at faking static.

Aren't cell phones just the greatest thing since 

A solution to my toasted sandwich issue!!