I say YES! But I mean NO!

I have had a horrible habit of saying Yes and meaning NO, my whole life. I have accepted jobs I didn’t really want, (I sold shoes at Thom McCann while in college at the local Mall – couldn’t have sold shoes at Sax Fifth Avenue, no, had to say yes to the first place that called me back!) gone on dates when I knew I would be miserable (and always with the guy who was soooo nice so telling him after that there would not be another date was even more torturous than the date itself) and made commitments I didn’t want to keep. (RSVP’s to weddings, costume parties and even told people sure, I’ll Dog sit for a week or watch your kids while you go on vacation!) I have signed up to sell Amway, and worst became a member of Direct Buy and lost $2500! (on this one my husband can share the blame!) I have had a pampered chef party and attended several, have had a random stranger in my home selling Avon, gone to different jewelry and candle parties than I can even remember! I have purchased wrapping paper and candies I do not want from employee’s children, lent out books I wanted to keep, and volunteered my time doing tasks that I have no interest in. I’ve been a room parent, a party coordinator, a Cub Scout den leader (ONE OF THE WORST MISTAKES outside of Direct Buy!) and I have even made religious commitments I didn’t mean. You’re probably wondering how I had only three kids…… (I may say Yes, but I have taken precautions! ;) )


What I don’t understand is that I am a strong woman, but if you ask me something, I have a really hard time saying NO. I think I do not want to disappoint the person asking or, I do not want to appear lame or weak or even worse Lazy! In the last several years I have gotten better at saying NO. I just avoid being asked - Thank god for caller ID! This has been my biggest life saver yet!

My current Yes-lemma (as I like to call them) is that I have volunteered to be the fundraiser helper for my daughter’s Brownie troop. ( let me preface this by saying I am the furthest thing from a Brownie Mom – I am not crafty, I do not enjoy packs of little girls unless I personally gave birth to them, I think the name and the uniforms are dumb and I rarely relate to most Moms, especially ones that stay at home or use the WAHM acronym. However, when your youngest daughter looks at you and asks if she could pretty please join, what are you supposed to do?? (RIGHT …I KNOW…..) Now, when she decided to join Brownies I KNEW from previous experience with my son’s short-lived cub scouts stint to not commit to anything. But this was a new troop, the first for our small K-12th grade school and my daughter was so excited. I figured by organizing the cookie sales behind the scenes –like making a spreadsheet- would be just enough help to get away with. Unfortunately one thing led to another and I found myself over-committed and extremely aggravated! I even wrote a scathing letter to the Girl Scouts about not accommodating working Mom’s and having training sessions and pickup times during the day and worst for holding a cookie sale during the Holiday season ( I really mean during CHRISTMAS but I tried to be politically correct in my letter) I thought it was especially great when I pointed out that after all, weren’t the Girl Scouts promoting girls to be independent career woman, so shouldn’t they accommodate the working Mom??? (This got me real far……)

Now a new year and here I am, having said yes (but honestly I do not remember saying Yes again for this year!!) and I have been emailed a day of the first training session for one of TWO fundraisers that I will be in charge of. (WHAT???) So what do I do? I email OK, (slightly less than a YES!!) that I will attend, and then I ask a few questions in a way that SHOULD alert the sender that I am a little surprised by the fact that I am in charge of both fundraisers this year. On my way home from work today, I am sitting there thinking – “DUMMY – what is your problem???” You CANNOT attend a meeting for FREE after work for two hours. You CAN’T. YOU. CANNOT. I REPEAT. YOU CANNOT DO THIS! (Today was one of those days from HELL at work – with having two days off and the day after a long weekend for everyone else)

So, I have since emailed the leader (a mere 24 hours after yesterdays YES email) that on the training date she gave to me, I have a late meeting at work and really do not see how I can make it. WHY CAN’T I JUST SAY NO? NO, I CANNOT ATTEND THIS MEETING, PLEASE FIND SOMEONE ELSE! What is WRONG with me??? I SUCK. I am a LOSER who cannot say NO. My husband would love to argue this point because I am fairly certain I have had no problem telling him no more than I have ever said NO to anything else! I need therapy, I really do……. Saying YES, when I mean NO – How are YOU?