Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Let's Get Physical

At the end of February, on a chilly, snowy day, the hubby and I were running errands when one of our stops landed us in a strip mall  (not a big deal, there is exactly 3 in our area of shopping).  For some strange reason we saw that the space next to where we were was a gym.  We looked at each other, shrugged shoulders and entered.  It only took 15 minutes to sign up for a two person membership.  As we drove home we chatted about how we had to be really serious about using our new membership and no matter what to be consistent.  We made plans and promises and got excited about our 4am week day date.


 4am the old car horn sounding alarm jolts us out of bed and we get up and go.   We go to bed before it gets dark now, but hey, we are going to the gym 4-5 days a week. Every Week.

Some people just need a pat on the back...

At 4am there are the same 4-5 people in the gym every time.  We are an eclectic group.  None of us have spoken one single word to the other. We all wear head phones even though there is loud overhead music playing for fear someone were to make a strange noise...... If we have to communicate for some reason, it is a slight movement of the head, a minute gesture or barely visible movement of the mouth.

  This sums us up:

There is a lady/girl (couldn't guess her age for a million dollars) who is a weight lifter.  She wears the same red shorts and tank top every day.  I picture her closet to have at least 5 of the exact same outfits.  She also drives a red car.  She parks in the same spot, uses the same machine for the same amount of time, and is in the gym when we arrive and still there when we leave.  When she is not lifting weights she is on the elliptical.  I hate when she is on the elliptical at the same time as me.  She "ellipes" circles around me.

There is an Asian man who changes his shoes when he arrives as though he is Mr. Rogers.  He is quiet and neat. I only say Asian, because where I live, it is 50% Amish, and 50% non-diverse, so this is an interesting 4am fact. He spends a lot of time with weights and Big Red but she is much more buff than he is.  He drives a PT Cruiser (whenever I see one of these cars I have to say -"it's a PT CREW-SUH".....) Talk Soup anyone?? I digress.....

There are two men that look very much alike and most days I think one is the other and vice versa.  I would say they are retirement age, seem like nice guys in normal life. They never mess with the TV's, log exactly what they do in a file and use the scale every day like really good little gym go-ers..  I can tell they both have lost weight and gained confidence which is a nice thing to watch. Their cars are as nondescript as they are.

Then there is the hubby and I. The minute we arrive we go our separate ways.  I am sure that I am known as the one with bed head who hides in the fish bowl. (There is a room separated by glass where I do body sculpting classes that play on a big screen. )  All by myself. Where I entertain those on the ellipticals.  I really hate the days I wear pants that won't cover by backside.....


The hubby and I often have bad days.  From hitting snooze one too many times, to locking ourselves out of the house, someone always forgets the water and someone (cough, cough) has a hard time walking out of the house without wiping a counter or putting something away causing us to be delayed....

One day we had a really bad day:
We use swipe cards to enter the gym.
I jump out of the car as soon as the hubby pulls in, the car is barely in park, swipe my card and head for the fishbowl.
Hubby brings up the rear, swipes and heads for the weight center to try to get whatever weights he can get away from Big Red.
We do this every day with little to no issues.
Probably around day 15, I swipe, head for the fishbowl.
I do a 35 minute body sculpting class.  It's an especially tough one and I am wiped.
I have about 8 minutes left to do a mile on the ellip-to-kill-me machine.
I get on and start.  Big Red is on my left, two nondescripts on my right.
Half a minute in I am realizing that hubby never walked by the fishbowl and is not on the treadmill which has been our normal pattern.  I can see weights moving out of the corner of my eye, so I assume he is still lifting now that Big Red has left the area.
2 minutes in, I realize no weights are really moving and no one else is in the building except for me, Big Red and the two nondescripts.  This is discovered while I am lacklustering on the elliptical, turning my head every which way.
I am starting to worry.  That doesn't last too long.
Then I get a little pissed -he was done, so he just leaves and goes out to the car???
I can see cars from the windows, but I cannot see inside of them due to the blackness of 4am and reflections of gym equipment.
I am now making my way to the door to leave. I am pretty sure everyone else realized long before I did what happened, but since we don't communicate with each other, trick is on me.

I panic.  I think - OH MY GOD, HE HAD A HEART ATTACK IN THE CAR AND IS IN THE CAR DEAD OR DYING.  I am now in slow motion, leaving the gym, not wanting to discover the grim reality.

I do not know why I thought this about my hubby.  Maybe the time we were waiting for the Dr. to tell us the weird noise he heard when listening to his heart was just a simple heart murmur on the weekend we were moving and I didn't want him to even lift a finger for fear he would collapse, was still niggling my brain.

I am walking towards the car, I can see his head. He is not moving.

THEN he turns his head to GLARE at me.
I'm back to being mad again and I am now in fast-motion.  I wrench open the door and say "Nice, your done working out, so you just come out here??"

He GLARES AT ME HARDER.  He says through severely gritted teeth, "I've been sitting here for 45 minutes.  WATCHING you work out at 4am."


Long story short - he didn't have his swipe card.  He claims I moved it.  I never looked back when I went into the gym and didn't notice that he never got in. (you can't knock on the door - strict rules and cameras forbid us from opening the door for anyone, otherwise we pay a fine)

He saw me looking around from the elliptical.  He says it took almost 40.6 minutes before I worried.  He could tell by my body language.

We argued the whole way home about the missing card.  I was so mad by the time we pulled into the garage (mostly at myself, but taking it out on him) that I insisted we tear the car apart to prove I didn't touch his card. I screamed -"where did you put it????"  He said right there in the side pocket -

Right there in the side pocket where his card was sitting,

The one he looked for, for 30 minutes before giving up and blaming me.

and I thought he had a heart attack!!

I felt a little odd the next day at the gym.  Kind of like:
"Who does she think she is, making her hubby drop her off and wait in the car???"

funny Gym


Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

LOL - hey, at least you're going. I can't even seem to get myself out of bed at 5:00 am, let alone at 4:00 am! I did go for a walk tonight - not far enough or long enough but it was a start. my goal is to lose 10-20 pounds this summer.

Kate said...

That story is HILARIOUS. Perhaps more so to me than to your husband, but hey, your blog IS all about entertaining ME, right? I appreciate his sacrifice to the humor gods.

And yea you, going to the gym so regularly. You rock! Me, not so much. But really, I'm going to start going again next week. I miss how I felt when I was lifting weights and following a program (unlike Big Red, though, I varied my outfit. And am not so much a fan of the elliptical, though at least I can read on it.)

Hey Monkey Butt said...

I salute you for the dedication it must take to get out of bed at 4am, let alone hit the gym. EVERYDAY! I miss the gym, I was more of an after work gymer!

That gentleman's lady said...

Oye! That's one helluva bad day for working out.

Me, I always promise to do better -- and don't :D

Good on you for keeping up with it though.