Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Endangered Object #335: The House Phone

 I love my cell phone.  We got rid of our house phone because each of us now has a cell phone.  No more telemarketers. No more wrong numbers. No collectors. (Not that I know what those calls would be like or anything –cough, cough)

No more ringing when I am “indisposed”. No more "accidentally" answering the call from someone I don’t want to talk to. ( I would NEVER!)

As a plus, my NEW car is hands-free wired, and when my cell phone jumped into the washer a few months ago, (outdated cell phone suicide) I had to break down and get an iPhone (You can tell I'm a novice - is it I-Phone, iphone, i-phone ???) which I must say really is the best thing since hair color in a box, because let’s face it, sliced bread is OK, but hair color from the grocery store is the bomb (for working Moms on a budget with stubborn greys who has a husband willing to apply it)

I am pretty sure there are some people who have a house phone and one cell phone for the whole house that would be horrified by the ways in which I use said phone:

I text my son all the time.  When he is at home.  In his room. Just a few rooms away from where I am sitting.
 In my defense, his room is upstairs. 
The only other room up those stairs is one other bedroom. The only reason for me to go up those stairs is to have a good yell about the messes, so I avoid that section of the house most days that I want my family to like me.  In my defense, his door is always  shut and the music is louder than my voice can carry.  
Plus, I am tired of going up there and pounding on the door.  Then yelling, and then pushing my way through the door which sticks and squeezing my eyes shut in case I would see something I don't want to see....

So I text him.  He actually thinks this is strange and it has the perfect effect on him. – He comes OUT of his room and joins the family. It's kind of like my way of sending a formal invitation.

I text the hubby romantic promises I have a hard time keeping.  
Can I tell you a little secret? I think about the hubby whenever I am not with him. So I text him what I plan to do or want to do - he responds, and then when it comes down to REAL LIFE – we (me and the mouse in my pocket) are too tired, too busy, too interrupted most of the time, 
so I have resorted to, yes I'm saying it - Sex ting.  (It's pretty PG-13 stuff, I HAVE accidentally included the kids in my messages....)

I send the kids messages of love and encouragement.  I stopped making lunches a long time ago.  On the rare occasion that I do, I always forget to add the little note.  But most days my kids can see a message from me on their phone letting them know I’m thinking of them.  Sometimes it's -
 I love you, hope you have a good day!!
but mostly it's: "If there is a mess when I get home you are so grounded!"

I never call people just to talk…..(where do people find that kind of time??) Unless I’m stuck in traffic, (*hands free) on a long commute, or in a never ending line.  THEN I call my Mom and anyone else I haven’t had time to say Hi to lately who are willing to answer. They feel so special when they get these phone calls from me.  It's like they KNOW I have nothing better to do.... ?

I tease people with silly pictures - this is the cat that refuses to cuddle or associate with any of us.  The other night the girls went to sleepovers and here comes Mr. Anti-Social Pants curling up with the hubby, so of course I had to send it the girls.....
I make plans, then break them.  I grab the phone out of my kids hands and send a text that sounds so much better than what they were going to write.  I keep tabs on where my kids are - 
"You are at Joey's?",
 "OK, then take a picture of you with his Mom."
I program phone numbers I don't ever want to answer with their own ring tone and screen name. Sometimes I have to hide those calls from the kids.....

I've gotten really good at faking static.

Aren't cell phones just the greatest thing since 
A solution to my toasted sandwich issue!!

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Vans, Turtles and Family Vacation Plans

I am no longer a Mom driving a van.  I totally forgot to tell you this exciting bit of news!
As you know, I was never a fan of the Van driving Mom status.
So after 10 years of driving one, I am not anymore.
I will tell you that I did feel oddly guilty and sad, leaving the car lot and my Van who kept my family safe for so many years and drove us on many adventures.  This is the not the first time an inanimate object has "spoken" to me.  I had a hard time sleeping that night.  It was weird.....

Unfortunately, our timing is just a little bit off.  We got the new car about a month ago and have decided to drive to Florida in July to see family. I'm already having anxiety about how dirty the new car is going to get (I have kept my new shiny black car IMMACULATE since the day I got it - even if that means vacuuming the interior 2x per day) Hello, my name is Kristen and yes, I DO have OCD.

Our son, the oldest of three we know will be riding in the passenger seat.  There is NO way he will sit THAT close to his little sisters for 24 hours amicably  (on both sides.)  Guess who is riding in the back seat?  Yeah, me.
I am kind of already dreading this part.  I am not very patient when it comes to wiggling, and any type of body noises. (Blame my father!)
We had a discussion about this in the car yesterday while I was sitting in the back seat next to only ONE of the wiggle worms.  The hubby announced he might look into renting a BIG car.  This was said while I was wiping a fingerprint off the ceiling.

I think that is THE BEST IDEA I have heard in a long time! Talk about being able to relax!
I have a feeling that idea is on the "Keep Dreaming" side of the list, but the thought will keep me calm until we leave, in my new shiny black car with me sandwiched in between two wiggle worms, one who thinks farting is still funny and the other who has a tiny little "whistling" noise in her nose.
                         Personal Barricade Wall

Thankfully we won't need a lot of clothes for a trip to FLORIDA in JULY (it's the only time we could get a vacation together - Alaska sounds so much more appealing, but our family chose to live in Florida  -darn it)

The only problem is that our normal "red-neck luggage" consisting of 4 laundry baskets, probably will not fit in the trunk.

 I'm thinking even more red-neck than ever - How about, NO Luggage at all -just fill the trunk up to the top and use that as our family dresser. I'm sure the nice neighborhood we will be visiting won't mind a bit if the hubby and kids change out on the driveway....
 It will be like Cousin Eddy and family coming to town!  (said family does read this blog, so don't be surprised when I blog how my family vacation was cancelled )

of Course, it would be a good excuse to get more of my fave vintage peices....(so much easier to pack!)

We spent some intimate time in the new car last night.  Time that I have a feeling will be the first of many similar events.....  Dropping a pre-teen off at the movie theater, then killing 3 hours driving around town. (where we live the closest theater is 30 minutes away, so you are kind of forced to stay in town hiding from said pre-teen and their friends.)

 Yesterday, unbeknownst to me must have been - Save a Snapping Turtle Day and the hubby took home the Grand Prize trophy for saving the most.  4 in one day!

The last save was while we were "killing time".  This one was a little bit unhappy about his inevitable suicide save, so he had to be rescued by a toe -I took a picture, but I cannot get it to download. Needless to say, the hubby ran across a 4 lane highway, carrying a snappy snapping turtle by his tail to a tall patch of grass on the other side.

I hope you are enjoying your long weekend.  Today is going to be a HOT one here, so I'm dragging out all the card and board games to keep us entertained with....

Friday, May 25, 2012

Hot, So HOT

I'm hot, therefore I am miserable. 
I hate being hot.  I hate being moist. I hate that word.
I hate "perspiring". Cause we all know ladies never sweat...... right?
 I have a low tolerance for heat. Pain? Bring it on!  Heat? Not So Much.

After 80 degrees, I'm done. Cooked. Burnt. Spent.

I get to hear about people having the winter blues, snow depression and all the woes of cold weather.
I'd take cold weather ANY day over 96 degrees.  This is the temperature my car read on my way home from work today. Come on, it's not even JUNE yet.

I'm melting.............................

It's such a bummer to me to be so hot that you have to close all the windows and turn the A/C on.  You can't sit in the sun and enjoy the outdoors (well, YOU might, but I just cannot.)  Although, impressively I am currently refusing to turn the air on and have not had it on yet this year.  The pending water bill is my motivation.

If I Could, I WOULD.  (my neighbors are a little too close)

Unfortunately, the Pool had an accident last year.....

On the up side, while at work I COULD come out to this lovely site:

A TRUE benefit of a HOT car.
I didn't have any big plans for this long weekend.
And now, my plans include being a shut in.
Yes, I am a wimp. But so are all of you when it is blizzarding and I'm gleefully driving around in a snow storm, and rolling around in the snow.......in NOVEMBER!

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Pinning My Hopes and Dreams

My Mom and her friend used to go “sailing” all the time. 

This is what they would tell us a few days a week in the Spring and Summer.

When they would say this I would picture the two of them in a little sail boat on the small lake (pond?) up the road. 
They both had really pretty luscious hair and were the kind of Moms that always looked nicely put together so it was an odd image I pictured of the two bobbing along in the water.

I later discovered that “Sale-ing” was going to garage SALES. Funny how they didn’t come home with too many treasures…. Maybe I need to investigate this Sale-ing thing a little further?? Hmmmmmm

I have been “pinning”.  (It's a great Ostrich Avoidance Technique)  My kids and the hubby have asked me several times what I am doing so intently on the computer or when I disappear into a room with my Laptop/Kindle/Phone,  and I respond – “I’m pinning.” (DUH……)

They know me. I’m not crafty. I’m the furthest thing from crafty there is.  But for a brief moment I am sure they picture me with a bulletin board and a bunch of push pins and pictures.  (They would NEVER picture me pinning the hem about to sew a leg up – trust me.)

I have been “pinning” all my life and never knew it – When I was a younger kid I would get the JC Penney and Spiegel catalogs, and cut pictures out of all the things I wanted.  I would design houses and closets by pasting the pictures onto paper and then I would cut the pretty people out, dress them in the stylish clothes and place them in their paper houses. 

 Later, I would glue pictures into notebooks, inside my locker or on a bulletin board reminding me of the things on my wish-lists.

My brother is a big “pinner” and doesn’t even know it.   He has a huge board that takes up the entire wall of his office.  It is covered in pictures of the places he has been, where he wants to go again, and what he wants to do in his future.

 My dreams have become realities because of "pinning" (back then and now) and we never knew it.   I once bought two pieces of artwork that have 6 squares each of a vintage item.  When I put them on my office wall I dedicated a thought to each square, saying, this square that has the vintage typewriter was representative of me writing.  The square with the vintage bike and basket full of books was MY vintage bike (which I later found) and my dream of owning/running a book store one day.  The square with the chair and vintagy wallpaper was representative of my dream house (Check!) and so on…

To my amazement there is a site just for this sort of thing that I have been doing my whole life and I am so excited about it.  Pinterest.  I know you have heard of it and some guffaw and some embrace and I too guffawed and now have thoroughly and time consumingly embraced!

And Guys – don’t let the women take this over, because it is for YOU too. (haven't convinced the hubby yet... but he still hasn't seen Titanic yet either...)

I have been able to build dream boards and add to them.  I’m not after the social aspect of it, I am honestly just so excited to do something that feels as if I were a kid with scissors and a catalog.

In fact, I have encouraged my daughters to do this also. DREAM. Envision. Imagine. That is how you get things done.  Putting the positive energy out there and watching it come back.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Saddles Aren't That Big a Deal, Right?

I’m Back.  I wish I could tell you I had won the lottery, went on an overseas adventure, or was abducted by a traveling circus. 

 I am glad to tell you I did not come down with a horrible disease, experience a tragedy or lost my memory.
I just had a little “me” hiatus.  I was starting to feel obligated to come with up something witty when I didn’t feel witty. My goal of the blog was to always be positive, and to watch what I was saying because people I know actually read this thing, and I don’t ever want to seem ungrateful for everything I have.  So when I felt this pressure to write, I stopped writing.  
In some ways, I would agree that I have ostrich tendencies.  When I want to, I am really good at burying my head in the sand until whatever is making me feel uncomfortable goes away……

The good news is that I want to write.  Some really bizarre things happen to me and if I don’t at least put them down somewhere, those things might never have actually happened, right?  For example since I have been gone this is what I didn’t get to talk about:

My Fight With a Rubic Goldstein Machine. (Yeah, I had to google it too before we got intimate with each other…)

My new 4am waking hour and how I get myself to actually get out of bed.

I thought the hubby had a heart attack which was really dramatic of me since he was really just locked out of the building I thought he followed me in to. We might need therapy since I didn’t notice for 40 minutes.

I got to experience throwing up and a two month cold, UP CLOSE and PERSONAL, in a mere three months and I am NEVER sick.

I have discovered that I am hiding from reality in the form of PINNING.

My daughter and I were members of a sewing club – for two weeks.

The kids got glasses, and I was scolded for not knowing my kids needed glasses.  In the middle of a blizzard. ( I threw the Blizzard in there b.c while the snow literally POURED from the sky, I pictured making a snowman out of the Eye Dr.)

My High School Alma Mater was the site of the Chardon School shooting. This one kind of knocked us all for a loop.

I ate pancakes every Sunday in the month of March at a different location in my town and strangely enough found it was a whole to new way to re-connect with the hubby. Who knew pancakes could be so romantic??

I deleted 5 other events for the following reasons: 1. You would think I was a bad parent.  2. I would embarrass my kid.  3. Too Boring and I’m trying to remove my boring label. 4. Too good for one or two sentences – I need a full post about THAT one.

With that said, I’m back.  I may not be worth it, but I’m back.  For those of you who wondered and asked,
 – THANK YOU, it meant a lot to know you were looking for me.

Stay Tuned for revealing, embarrassing, hopefully funny, positive, posts coming to a screen near you…