Saturday, October 30, 2010

The Big Wicked Online Pageant

I apologize about two posts today - I promise to take tomorrow off.  Beckeye at The Pop Eye is hosting an  online Halloween pageant and I think I have just the thing!

Check her blog out and hurry to enter!:  The Pop Eye Blog

If you read my blog, you have seen this picture before. I am the one IN GREEN. Not the cute witch or ballerina -THE ONE IN GREEN.  My Mom worked and my brothers had outgrown this stuff, so I see her point when she said it was easy, and THERE WERE RELECTORS on it so I couldn't be missed in the dark (Like that was going to happen) and it came with face paint! (at least it covered my Dorothy Hamil haircut) Happy Halloween!

10 Things You didn't want to Know

Marla at Butts and Ashes (who loves her husband dearly, has her chickens poop on her favorite bloggers for fun, is an avid reader, writer and blogger with flair) did me the honor of giving me a Blog Award while frantically using the plunger on my head so I would have something to blog about today. I’m about to tell you 10 things I like as part of the rules of this award. The problem is that I just can’t put into words the things I like so you will understand. I’ll post some images/videos instead.

Bull Riding

I like to watch Bull Riding. Not sure what it is, but a big bull throwing a guy around, it just does something for me. But honestly, the fact that these guys all bruised and broken keep getting on those bulls for hardly any money (compared to the physical expense) is very interesting. Talk about a good concept for reality TV. I’d be all over it.

I like Airports. For me it’s about the people in them. You can just feel the energy and the excitement that is in the air when you are at an airport. Everyone is heading for somewhere, not too many of them especially now, are just hanging for the heck of it. I love watching the hellos and the goodbyes, how people have packed their things, what they bring to do on the plane, the conversations you have with complete strangers. It beats the hell out of being stuck in a mall – for me anyway. They haven’t done a reality airport show yet…..

I like an accent. It can be a slow southern drawl or an Irish brogue; I am one of those people who can fall in love with a voice. In my line of work I deal with people all over the world over the phone. I have met less than five of any of them in person. My brain tells me that they look just like anyone on the street, but my ears tell me that I am talking to the most beautiful person with that accent ever. Not that I am in love with THEM, but I really do love their voice. I love radio personality voices too, but show me a picture of them and it’s all over. Can’t listen ever again. So maybe I should say I like voices, because pretty much everyone out side of Northern Ohio has an accent.

A Good Sport

No matter who you are, if you are a good sport, I love you.

People who Protect me that I have never met or thanked personally
Thank you to their families too.

Snowed In!
I like being stuck in the rain/snow -pretty much anywhere - Yes, I am crazy.

Take me to a Vintage Diner and I will love you forever!
Making up Songs when doing Ordinary things

Inspirational Moments
Ecspecially with music.
Everything about stuff like this -
The clothes, the hair, the men, the dancing.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Got a Plunger?

Do you think they make medicine for writers block? If so, I need some and I wonder if it is sold over the counter? Or do you think I need a prescription? If so, where would you look in the yellow pages? Blockages, Clogs, Jams?

I wonder if the medicine would then give you Diarrhea of the mouth (how many of you know how to spell Diarrhea without Googling it – and if you do, WHY do you?) You take the meds and then you can’t stop the flow of amazing posts – wonder if then you would have to follow it up with some more medicine to slow the flow?

Maybe the meds just dry you up –like the stuff you take for sinuses. That would suck. The cure for writer’s block is to completely stop writing. Well, I guess that’s something then?

Maybe I can get a stint put in my brain to open the flow of amazing writing ability?

Or do you think if someone put a (BRAND-NEW) plunger on the top of my head, and frantically moved it up and down, I would suddenly be able to come up with something creative to say?

Do you think if this continues I will get writers-rage and start cussing out other bloggers for having worthwhile posts?

Maybe if I chip away at it something will come to me……

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I don't expect you to read this - I think you will get the general idea though


But it’s just one day, tomorrow will be different. How are you?

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Conversations with Inanimate Objects Day

Alarm clock: WHAT????? Could you PLEASE just give me 10 more minutes???? Do I really have to stick my hand out of the warm covers to pat you in order for you to give me 10 more minutes?? I CAN HEAR YOU!! I don’t throw you across the room, EVER. I keep you on the dresser all week long and only hide you on the weekends under the bed because let’s face, you are not as attractive as the vintage alarm clock on my nightstand that I would not trust to wake me up but is simply good eye candy. COME ON!!! I said, I HEAR YOU!!!!

Pimple : REALLY? You are never going to leave are you, and by the way, don’t you think I am a little old for you?  I’m not YOUR Cougar, I do not want to be anyone’s cougar let alone yours. I was good last week – no potato chips, not a lot of chocolate, WHAT is the deal? GO AWAY. I have stuff that says it will take care of the likes of you and I WILL use it! You are not welcome on my face.

Seatbelt: I KNOW!!!! I am getting to it!! Give me a minute to adjust here. For Crying out loud we are still on the driveway!

Work Potluck Sign Up Sheet: Listen signup sheet, I am not a fan of what you represent. Not because I don’t like food and not because I can’t eat food other people make (like the hubby who has never and will never eat from a potluck in his life) but, because I don’t cook. I will now have to spend more money than necessary on buying something for you, work potluck. And look at yourself right now – you need help with your list so far of: punch, donuts, tortilla chips, some dips, dirt and worms? I see someone has written down POP. (We have a POP machine here!) I should just put: condiments or how about paper products – every work potluck has to have one of THOSE people – what makes you think you’re any different? Now I will have to add to the sticky note on the back of my phone: work potluck dish. See how you affect my life and WHY do you keep appearing on my desk? I want to fill you out last. I put you by the copier and here you are, unchanged. GO AWAY, I do not want to see you until you have some decent offerings, then and only then will I determine what to bring for you.

Towel Dispenser at Work: You bite me again, I’m gonna ask that you be replaced, so play nice.

Clothes Dryer: I love you, I trust you, I know you can keep on going, because buddy, I NEED you. I can’t afford to replace you right now and I know you are on your last leg, but can you just hang on until spring?? Pretty Please?? While you are at it can you be a little quieter in your slow death? The incessant barking noise you have been making in the last several months is impeding on my life – my Mom thought we had gotten a dog when she last called!

Treadmill Machine: Listen, it’s that time of year where we have to just put up with each other. I will promise not to abuse you if you promise to make the inclines a little easier on me. And can you PLEASE do something about the fat calories flashing in my face – maybe make it look like I am actually burning some? I am so good to you. I don’t even wear my shoes on you because I don’t wear shoes in my house and I just can’t make myself wear shoes on even you. Let’s get along and play nice and could you tone it down a little so I can at least hear the TV? By the way, you are NO rowing machine let me tell you, too bad I can’t trade you in for one.

Blog: Come on baby, how many followers you got for me today? What? That’s the same number as yesterday and the day before that!! I feed you EVERY day, my kids and hubby are ready to drop you, but no, I keep on giving! What is your deal??

I’m so much bolder with inanimate objects than I am with people. Go figure. How are you and your inanimate objects today?

Monday, October 25, 2010

DEEP Monday conversations- Make that EVERY Weekday Convo's

AM Conversation With Hubby:

Me: “ I have bad news, I think your sucker fish is dead.”

Hubby: “No, he isn’t, that is how he always looks.”

Me: “So he looks like he is dead all the time? No, he isn’t moving, AT ALL –I waited and his chest isn’t moving.”

Hubby: “He isn’t dead- their chests don’t move like people.”

OK. We’ll see. He is probably right, but I swear the thing isn’t moving AT ALL. He is huge and takes up half the tank and is the last of all the fish that have lived there. We are just waiting him out.

AM as I am walking out the Door Convo:

Me: “Why do you always get the same kind of Lean Cuisines?” “I like a little variety, you know?” As I view the 3 boxes of baked potato and cheddar cheese in the freezer, knowing I have two more of the same at work.

Hubby: “I thought you liked the baked potato, you said so.”

Me: “ I DID like it, just not every single day…..”

But this is what you get for not doing the grocery shopping yourself, right? It’s just that he DOES work right next door to the grocery store ….

Afternoon Convo:

Me: “ How is your day going?”

Hubby: “It’s Crappy, how is yours?”

Me: “It’s going.”

Hubby: “What do you want for dinner?”

Me: “ I don’t know, what do you think?” (said as though I'm really thinking about it)

Hubby: “I’ll figure something out.” (already knowing what he’s going to cook for dinner)

Me: “OK, see you later, I love you.”

This is the same conversation we have every day at lunchtime- I know it verbatim!

PM Convo:

We eat dinner, We do homework with the kids, we work on our laptops side by side.

Hubby: “You know you really should be wearing shorts when you sit next to me.”

He says this every single time we work on our computers next to each other.

Tomorrow Convo: Repeat of today. I think it’s time for a Romantic Vacation!

Just having another Monday, How are You?

Sunday, October 24, 2010

I’ll have the Vegetable Plate, sounds just like The Filet Mignon.

Every once in awhile you meet amazing people that you will never see again, but for a brief moment they are able to touch your life. Yesterday we met yet another one of those people. Over the years we have come across them:

The elderly man in the grocery store who was meticulously picking his groceries with coupons, calculator and store flyers and insisted on teaching us how to get the very best deals in the store that day. He would say: “Who’s a better shopper”? Very loudly for no one in particular other than himself as he put each item into his cart as if he had just won a battle. To this day, whenever my hubby and I shop together and he gets a great deal he says “Who’s a better shopper” in his elderly man voice.

Our first Mom-Van sales lady, Janet, was so excited for us to be moving into a larger vehicle she made sure that we got that van right there that day, helped us move all of our stuff into it and when we test drove it laughed with glee at how we were fascinated with all the features. She gave us an amazing deal too. (Unfortunately for us she retired and we moved far away)

The waiter at the Hard Rock Café in Disney World who told us some insider stories (whether they were true or not) that had my thirteen year old son fascinated and made the trip much more exciting for him.

Whether they are sales people, or just someone you encounter for a brief moment they affect your life. Our newest encounter happened at the furniture store yesterday. As we entered, (we now know the drill: you don’t have to catch anyone’s eye they have an internal rotation system and whoever’s turn it is will approach) Brenda, the kind of lady that is a combination of your favorite Aunt/Mom/ best Co-Worker rolled into one became ours. We told her we were looking for a couch and she began to direct us through the store.

Commercial Break:

When you are dealing with my hubby (sales person/waiter-waitress/attendant) you need to:

A. Have a sense of humor: When you ask at a restaurant: “would you like a box for that” and he says, “Nah, just call it your tip”, you have to think it’s funny and:

B. Not be offended easily: You hand him a plate and he reaches it out for it and then says very loudly “OUCH, that’s hot” and the waiter/waitress jumps out of their skin you have to

C. Realize he has had service industry experience since he was 16. So when he talks about how a box on display would be a great place to store his Glock 36, means he isn’t messing around anymore, or when he starts fishing on their political views by making politically directed statements, so he can really get a feel for the person who is going to potentially change our lives with their help.

Some people fall in love with him and some can’t stand US. So Brenda had to put up with:

“Lets spoon on this one to see if it’s going to work.” (Joke)

“Tell me you’ve never sold that burnt marshmellow looking couch over there” – of course while a customer was looking at it with deep interest. (Serious)

“You take 3rd party checks right” ?–to the no-nonsense financial lady who hadn’t warmed up to him yet. (Joke)

“That lady looks like she means business and isn’t going to take any of your shit Brenda” (Serious) As an elderly co-worker of Brenda’s walked by within hearing shot of us with a perturbed look on her face because it was looking like Brenda was going to make a sale today.

Brenda had to put up with him picking up a table to discover that it fell apart easily and saying it was junk (to which she agreed), sitting on the couches and then checking that he didn’t leave a butt print (because ONE time we went somewhere and the material of the couch was so that when you got up an exact outline of your butt was left on the couch and you had to do a quick swipe to make it go away) Brenda had to put up with all his jokes (politically incorrect) and she loved every minute of it. (THANK GOD)

Brenda steered us away from more expensive couches that were not made well, and really wanted us to buy a well made couch that was the least expensive in the store when we were deciding between that one and another considerably more expensive one. She fought for us to get an even bigger discount than they were offering with her manager (yeah, yeah I know they all do that, but I really believed this one) She stayed with us when we sat with bad-mood-financial-lady, and gave us hugs and was so excited for us when we left with the excitement of getting a new couch on WEDNESDAY when we thought it would take two weeks.

We bought a couch. We felt like grown up people (most of our furniture is hand me downs and we have been to a furniture store outside of this experience like two times MAYBE) On our high of feeling like grown up adult people (the kids were at my brother’s for the day) we decided to go to a restaurant that we have seen but known from the people walking into it, the cars parked outside of it and its location probably wasn’t a place for kids. Turns out, it wasn’t a place for Hubby and I either, BUT we couldn’t tuck our tails in and run, SO, we sat at our table in the middle of the restaurant and ordered big people food. I even got a cocktail. I originally ordered a vegetable plate and the waitress asked me (she was NO Brenda) how I would like them cooked, I was perplexed?? So I said, Medium??? She had a funny look then on HER face and said, “They will be pink in the middle then?” I said, sure……. My hubby and I had a nice giggle about that, wondering what on earth I was getting. Thankfully we did look the part of grown up people who can afford to eat at places like this one because we had been to a funeral pre-couch shopping and were still high on feeling like real adults. We had fun observing the people that were sitting around us, and then our food came and of course I was brought the Filet Mignon. Which was amazingly delicious, but no $14.99 plate of vegetables (still more than I would spend, but one of the least expensive options). A very LARGE bill later, we left and called “Feeling like Grown-Ups” a day. (remind me to tell you about our idea to invite a group of people to The Cheesecake Factory for our daughter’s birthday and offering to pay for it someday, – we JUST recovered from that one recently and it was two years ago!)

We should have looked at this BEFORE we ate there! I'm pretty sure you have to look like that while getting dessert.

Back to Reality, How are You?

Friday, October 22, 2010

Blare the Music, Dance While You Shop and Stick em' in a Dome!

I think it is completely appropriate to pull up next to a bunch of stuffy UPTIGHT people in my Mom-Van and blast Eminem’s - I Love the Way You Lie. Just to see the look on their faces but also because I really like that song.

I think because we already have an over-abundance of them, grocery stores should be like Dance Clubs – you choose which genre you want: Country Cupboard, Hard Rock Goods, Alternate Station, POP Foods, The Mellow Stop, Salsa Savings, Rap-Mart, Ballroom & Go, Then while you shop you can dance your way through the aisles. No more aisle-rage, the kids would think going to the store was fun, you would meet people with similar interests and you’d burn some calories.

I used to work in an office that had all of us sitting out in the open in pods (God forbid you got up from your chair with a wedgie or anything) and we alternated picking the music to listen to. We had a great sound system and the music played pretty loudly. I always wanted to get up every so often and dance on my desk, but with potential wardrobe malfunctions right out in the open, I refrained. However, one night after the Christmas party I did demonstrate that I can still do the splits as well as danced on top of the desks for the stragglers. Made for a fun memory-Monday!

You know how they have people movers in airports? Why can’t they make highways like this? I put my car on, and it moves. I can sit back and relax. No more traffic jams. Imagine driving from Indiana to west of Chicago in less than an hour! I could sleep for 24 hours while the car-mover takes me to Florida! I realize there are trains, planes and buses to serve this same purpose, but the cost and the fact that I am already making a monthly payment equal to the cost of this transportation prevents me from utilizing any of them.

Instead of health benefits, I’d like concierge benefits. This new health care bill should have an option of either or? (Who knows it MIGHT- there is enough other unrelated stuff hidden in it already?) I could have someone give me a back/neck/shoulder massage while I work, my dry cleaning could be picked up and dropped off, groceries ready and waiting in my car as I leave work, my pants hemmed, brownie patches ironed/sewed on, and car detailed. I’d be so much happier therefore even healthier, I wouldn’t need the health benefits!

Little kids HATE those wooden high chairs they have at restaurants. I know this well because none of my three kids would sit in them and tonight the little cutie at the table next to us wasn’t likin his either. I think they should have a cushiony dome to sit in. You stick them in and shut the lid, it’s soundproof but also has all kinds of cool toys to entertain the tot. (I’m not after torture here)

I’m done rambling. Tomorrow is a very sad funeral in the am and couch shopping in the pm – what a combo! (Weird how life goes on, huh?)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

T-Shirt Tug Marks

Since Halloween is approaching, I’ll share a little ghost story with you. This is the only real encounter I have come across, although it is possible to be explained away- especially if I were to invite the team from Ghost Hunters to investigate, but it was definitely eerie in the moment. (The kids and I love to watch that show as well as Ghost Adventures, but we call that guy Scooby Douche- well hubby and I do, NOT the kids – I’m not THAT bad.)

My hubby and I lived in an apartment in a building of 8 apartment’s right next door to a large hospital. It was a building built in the 1920’s, I would guesstimate. Our door was in the kitchen and it still had a glass window in it which is a very odd thing for people to be able to look right into your apartment. (At the time we fashioned curtains from dish towels to cover it up – we were poor when we lived there. Well, MORE poor) My hubby worked nights and I worked a job during the day and volunteered at the hospital at night – (yes, I was crazy!) The basement was where our laundry was as well as very old wooden storage units that were more like stalls or large wooden cell like crates. It wasn’t a place I spent a lot of time in, as a matter of fact, I only did laundry in broad daylight and the hubby did more of it than me (that’s how you train em early girls – “ohhhh, the basement is soooo scary”…..”Will you do it?”….. “ “Pretty please???”)

I was home alone one day (DAY, not night) when I heard music coming from the back bedroom. It was very old-time music and being just out of college, not something we would have tuned on the radio, and it bothered me enough to make me stealthily walk toward the bedroom in a freaking out manner. The radio was on, but it was an OLD clock radio of my hubby’s that hadn’t been used in a long time, not plugged in, under the desk in a box, but yes there were batteries in it. I turned it off and just chalked it up as a very weird thing or hospital signal interference. Not sure how much long after but our kitchen cabinets which were the kind that closed by magnets would randomly pop open when we were not in the room. It never happened previous to this time, so again, weird, but we chalked it up as old metal cabinets and the building shifting.

One day the hubby went into the basement to fold the laundry (did you hear the swoosh of my whip?) and when he came back upstairs he was very white faced, so much so that I immediately knew something was wrong. He said he felt someone tug at his shirt while he was down there. Blew it off the first time (yep, that’s a man for you – the FIRST time he blew it off) thought maybe it was a spider or something (again, all the more reason not to go into the basement) but the second time it was much stronger and no one was there with him. Needless to say he FLEW up the four flights of stairs. I asked him to turn around because he was wearing a white t-shirt and you know how if you tug on a t-shirt, there is still a little bit of material that stays gathered together? Well, you could clearly see the tug mark in his shirt. Now we were pretty shaken up, I NEVER went in the basement again, and he did, but as little as our laundry would allow. My Mom had weighed in on the theory that lots of spirits probably passed through our building being so close to the hospital. When I say close I mean so close that when the helicopter landed on the building, our apartment would shake, rattle and roll.

The catalyst to this is that one night my hubby came home from work (3am) and wanted to load the car up with the TV he had bought his Mom for Christmas (we were going to leave first thing in the AM or when I woke up, and head back home for the holidays) He came up to our room and woke me up in a frantic state. (picture this: at the time we were BOTH sleeping in a twin bed- well it was actually the trundle bed from my bed back home that randomly would collapse if you moved to much. – we didn’t really sleep much together considering he worked til 3am and I was up by 5:30am but again, we were POOR) He told me that I had to come downstairs with him and hold open the door to the basement because on his first attempt the door slammed shut (not a door that did this normally, being very heavy) and there were some major noises coming from within the basement. He was very freaked out. In the end, I had to hold that door back from shutting as it was pushing on me, and it had gotten extremely COLD in the hallway, and I never saw a guy run so fast up the stairs carrying a large TV in my life! We packed our stuff and were on the road by 3:45am heading back home. We moved out of the building not long after.

Happy Almost Halloween! How are YOU?

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Flake is a real person who deserves a better friend than me

I was going to blog about the worst trouble I have ever been in. Not like financial or romantic trouble. (we’ll save that for another day) More like: Throwing rocks for hours into the street until all the rocks my Dad so carefully placed around the mailbox were now in the middle of the street. Or carving my name in the side of the house and denying it was me. Or intending to have a FEW friends over while my parents were out of town until someone put a big sign up during the football game announcing my OPEN HOUSE and then having the cops chasing kids through the golf course we lived behind. Or when I forwarded an email to a client and forgot to take out the nasty part at the end where I complained about what a whiner she was. But I decided it didn’t do me any favors – you would either think I was a loser for thinking that was trouble or a loser for being such a loser.
I was going to tell you about my friend whose name (legal, yes) is Flake. And how I missed his 40th birthday and now I feel like such a, well a FLAKE. But then you would think I was no kind of friend at all.

I was going to tell you about my horrible week so far –Finding out a former co-worker has passed away way too young, Day 3 of a sinus headache, too many issues at work to count, but then you would think I was complaining.

I was going to tell you a really good throwing up story where my whole family of five drove eight hours to my grandparents house and passed around a good ole flu bug so that when we arrived, one by one we all ended up throwing up in her little house forcing them to sleep in the basement. But then when I got to the part where I was laying on the couch and my Mom and Aunt were cleaning up “throw up” from the walls and ceiling and I was yelling, “ IT SMELLS, I’m GONNA THROW UP FROM THE SMELL” you would hate me as much as they did at that moment. Plus I can’t tell the story well enough without typing the word PUKE and I really hate that word – makes me gag.

I was going to tell you that I had a revelation – I now crave COMMENTS on my blog more than followers and really LOVE my regular commenter’s and look forward to hearing from you every day. But then you will think I am fishing and will stop commenting to teach me a lesson.

I was going to show you all the mailboxes I would like to have, but then I thought you wouldn't visit anymore.

So, I guess I’ll say nothing at all today and hope for more wit tomorrow.

But since you are here, How are YOU?

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

A Thick Neck Makes for a Hot Momma

GUILT.  I am carrying around an invisible cloak of it. Like Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak, my cloak of guilt is always there – you can’t see it but I sure can feel it. I’m not feeling guilty over one particular thing, but all sorts of small doses of guilt making that cloak heavier and heavier. I know a lot of people that just do not feel guilt, but for some reason, I feel it weighing on me and I carry it with me wherever I go. I would like to become someone who doesn’t feel it so much. A little guilt is ok – it keeps you grounded. But a lot of guilt probably isn't very healthy. Again, I haven’t done any horrible deed and I am not keeping anything a big secret here – it could be guilt over passing on bad genes to the kids (not the denim ones) or guilt over something I have said or even thought. Guilt that shouldn’t affect me for so long. I thought I would look into ways of freeing up some of this weight /guilt :

Last night my daughter was doing some math homework, she was apparently supposed to measure things – she was going around the room with her ruler and I was , well TRUTHFULLY (Step 1 is to: ADMIT the truth) I was blogging. (Feeling SOOO much better already!)

At one point my daughter started to measure ME. With a Ruler. We don’t have a tape measure. (Step 2: Don’t make excuses) I could tell you WHY we do not have a tape measure, but I’ll refrain.

While reading my favorite blogs and making my comments, yes, I was aware that my measurements were being recorded on a math paper. It didn’t occur to me until this morning what my measurements from a ruler made me look like. But let me put it this way:

According to the good ole wooden ruler measuring method, my neck is 19 inches around. Yes, you read it right, 19 inches. My arm span is 2 ½ feet. My height is 63 inches (actually correct) and my torso is 48 of those 63. My foot is 6 inches. (Step 3: Don’t try to be perfect all the time.) GOT IT. If I was trying harder to be less than perfect, I would have won a medal.

My daughter told me she was all done with her homework and I signed her assignment book – Yep. Done.

Today, while in the shower (where ALL my best thinking happens) I started to think about those measurements she had called out while I was blogging away.

Cue HORROR Music here:

My daughter’s teacher is going to picture me as a WIDE necked person with very short arms, VERY short legs and an abnormally long torso all held up by little feet. (Step 4: Learn humility)

Do you think it is OK for me to race home from work and walk right into the classroom so the teacher and all the other 20-30 teachers that had a good laugh at my expense could see me? THE REAL ME??

(Step 5: Learn from your mistakes) I will NEVER do homework and blog at the same time again.

I feel so much less guilty already.


Feeling a centimeter less guilty now, How are YOU?

Monday, October 18, 2010

Coke and Peanut M&M's diet of Champions!

Count Chocula – I used to eat this for breakfast every day, then drink the chocolate milk down to the last drop.

A Bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and chocolate sauce- EVERY day after school while I watched General Hospital.

Coke and Peanut M&M’s – This was my lunch when I was working the summers in an office while in college – EVERY DAY.

Chocolate Milkshake , Chocolate Scooter Crunches and Peanut butter squares – At lunch in High school, usually INSTEAD of lunch.

Dexatrim – I took this when I didn’t need to lose weight.

Taco Bell – 5x a week in College.

Beer – Not Lite. As much as we could drink – all through college.

So here is my question? How is it that I eat a bowl of healthy cereal for breakfast, a Lean Cuisine for Lunch , a well-rounded dinner, I rarely drink, and I wouldn’t put on a bikini and walk in front of strangers much less all my friends?

Just sayin.

All nighters – in college at least 2x a week. And for 3 months after all three kids - at least.

2 jobs at a time and classes, then plenty of time left over for the dance floor and friends – all through college and a few years after.

Hours and Hours on the phone – well past bedtime in Middle and High school almost every night.

GTL – Gym, Tanning, Laundry the day after an all-nighter and then another all nighter that day too just for fun.

So here is my question? How is that I go to bed by 11pm, get up at 5:30 after I hit snooze for 45 minutes, work at a desk for 8 hours, come home and do some stuff and if you asked me right now at 8:09pm to meet you out to go dancing, I’d tell you . “Sorry, you must have a wrong number.”

Just sayin.

And while we are at it, what is going on with food getting caught in my teeth more often lately and WHY am I getting heartburn for even THINKING about eating a baked good or having red sauce? Why am I able to wear a bigger shoe size now but my hair has been the same length for months and even though I am too tired to stay awake to watch a TV show on the couch, and even be able to stay AWAKE on a couch in any position other than standing, but I can’t sleep through the night? By the way, why am I now carrying a bottle of tums, tweezers, Prilosec, sunscreen, hand sanitizer, a Tide pen and dental floss in my PURSE??

I am going to go sit in my car, roll down the windows, turn on some Metallica REALLY loud, with my flip flops, shorty shorts, sunglasses, and tank top on even though it is only 48 degrees outside. I am NOT taking my purse, and maybe I’ll stop at Dairy Queen on they way to the GYM, come home, and call my friends on the party line and talk all night in a prone position and go to work tomorrow, like nothing has happened at all, but just another boring night.

Happy Monday, How are YOU?

Sunday, October 17, 2010

The To Do list is growing like a tree in a fairy tale

It was a great weekend (visited our very dear friends where we used to live and re-connected) and I made some realizations that I thought I would share with you that are kind of nagging me.

1. I cannot  don’t cook! My husband does all of our cooking. ALL. OF. IT. I can grocery shop, I can think of ways to add to a recipe, but to actually COOK or BAKE – I just don’t do it. Sure I can say it is because I work full time, and my hubby is so much more efficient in the kitchen, but what about the weekends?? I have had my head in the sand about this whole issue and I really should do something about it. When conversation turned to food and cooking this weekend, I was adding my two cents until my hubby turned to look at me like I was a complete liar. (He has no idea of my hidden abilities.) He regaled our friends with the time (THE ONE FREAKIN TIME) I made the kids crunchy macaroni and cheese. I’m in serious trouble here. My kids will grow up and blame me for the reason they can’t cook and make THEIR spouse do all the cooking! When we invite people to our house we BUY stuff and then we order in or take them out. YIKES. I really need to master a meal that will knock everyone’s socks off when I make it – several courses and dessert, and then they will talk about my amazing kitchen skills all over town.

2. I am not as clean as I thought I was. I thought I was doing a good job, but then I saw how people live who do, well an AWESOME job and I now realize that I have to step up my game in the cleaning department. Sure we have a few more house members and two cats, but STILL, for someone with OCD to go to a house that is even NEATER and CLEANER than theirs, well, that is about all one apparently former OCD girl can handle. I am having trouble BREATHING right now…….
3. I miss where we used to live. When we left about four years ago, we were so excited and I felt like I was truly “Coming Home”, but, I do miss the old place. Not that I am going to run out and do something about it, but it’s just a little sad to know that what you left behind changed while you were away.

4. Christmas is coming. I know, let’s get through Halloween first, Right? But while walking around the outdoor mall last night, we passed a store that sold calendars for 2011 and games for Christmas presents and the bookstore had Christmas cards out, which then brought me to my current decision: To send or Not send Christmas Cards? I used to send them to everyone we knew EVERY year. I was one of the few people who did this for a long time. I started sending them out when I was 18 until about three years ago. Times got a little tougher and we stopped doing them. Now, times are not much better, but I feel the need to at least let people know we are thinking of them. But I can’t decide? That is a huge project to take on and with having to now learn to cook and try to cook more, clean more and better, as well as visit friends more often on top of working, blogging, going from thinking about excersising to really doing it, well - can't breath again...............

5-20. I will miss our friends we re-connected with this weekend and am wishing we lived closer. I need new carpet in the bedrooms and I want my basement re-done like theirs. The pumpkin farm we stopped at on the way home, which used to be our little secret place in the country that we would go to when we lived in that area has become extremely popular and was so crowded we had a hard time even finding some pumpkins, and I’m just a little bothered by that. The weekend went way too fast and now it’s Sunday night, laundry to do, homework to be done, the work week to look forward to.

Enjoying great weekend memories – How are YOU?

Friday, October 15, 2010

Warning: Bad Hair Day Imminent, Lost Son in Lingerie Department and Rated R Highway Coming Up!

I have had way too many good hair days this week – you know why this bothers me? Because when I NEED a good hair day – like this weekend, I won’t have one. That really sucks.

We lost our son once in the mall. IN. THE. MALL. We were in a department store, (this was early in our marriage and we were buying bras and undies- yes, together. Not to worry, this NEVER happens anymore) and one of us had the stroller, and one had our son, and somehow we got confused on who had who and what, and as my hubby was paying the bill we realized we had only a stroller.

Thankfully the clerk saw our looks of sheer panic and immediately sent out some kind of secret page and took off like a bat out of hell. At first we were calm as we looked - in the ladies changing room, in between the clothing racks, in the changing room again, then we became more frantic. At one point I thought he was gone for good and started to walk out of the mall through the doors to search in the parking lot. As I got through the first set of doors, there was my two year old son having a full fledged (baby talk gibberish) conversation with an elderly couple. He was using his hands and everything. I can’t believe he wasn’t snatched up by someone leaving the mall. It would have been so easy. (The clerk did come back, but later, we both wondered where she had gone and what she was doing – probably it was time for her break…..?) I remember this horrible experience whenever my son, now a teenager who has just surpassed me in height, gives me THE LOOK.

Have you noticed that people are actually decorating their cars now for Halloween? I drove by a car with skulls on the dashboard -you could tell it was Halloween decorations,  not because they were into skulls – I say this because the lady was in a Mom-Van and was wearing a turtle neck with leaves on it.

My co-worker came back from lunch and said a guy had fake bloody arms hanging out of the back door of his car. She said she did a double-take.
I can picture this now – we are on a family outing, and my hubby and I are arguing over let’s say –directions, where to eat, how long do we have to stay where we are going, or any number of things, and one of the little kids in the back is just nicely looking out her window.
We pass a guy on the right who is driving a little slow and she sees these arms dangling from the side door. Her little eyes get real big like saucers and she tries to get our attention but she is ignored, told to be quiet or given the “Don’t interrupt, we are talking” statement. Her sister is looking out the opposite window singing to herself and her brother in the way back of the car is texting and listening to his IPOD, so she has no one to confirm the horrific thing she just saw.
I wonder how many little girls like that are walking around with this image in her head? I’ll be sure to tell her tonight if she ever sees arms dangling from a car – just look the other way  QUICK!

I did hear that Halloween is now more popular than Christmas. In fact, with Halloween on Sunday this year it is like a three day event. Towns are competing with different trick or treating nights. Please NO! One night is enough!

Looking forward to the weekend. How are YOU?

Thursday, October 14, 2010


I let the messes the kids make bother me way too much – I know this because last night at 11:30pm, I jumped out of bed in aggravation and cleaned the basement for 20 minutes before I realized I might be crazy.

The real reason I jumped out of bed at 11:30pm last night was because I was mad about something not related to the mess in the basement. (I should also say that I am the only one who views it as a mess, everyone else in the house calls it having some things out) I had told my son to work on his school project over the weekend instead of the night before it is due but wouldn’t you know, he was still up working on it when I got into bed last night. I stayed in bed about 5 minutes until my blood started to boil because I was right and he didn’t listen to me. I proceeded to slam my feet down the hallway into the basement to reprimand him (would you call screaming and pointing my finger reprimanding? No?) Then I started cleaning (in a frenzied/crazy manner) until he was done with his project.

What made me most mad is that he had called my husband earlier to ask if he could run across the street to a school event. My husband said OK, despite me in the background saying no, he has a project due tomorrow and I do not think it is done. I was ignored. Neither of them saw anything wrong with a late night to get the project done. As a matter of fact, they both looked at me as though I WAS THE CRAZY PERSON! Which infuriated me more and so I screamed and slammed louder.

My younger two were sleeping (or trying to) while I was having a baby pants temper tantrum.

My son gets straight A’s and doesn’t get into trouble. He is just a teenager who thinks I am a crazy person because he doesn’t let anything get him upset. EVER. Even when I am yelling at him in my PJ’s (the ones with the snowmen on them) at 11:45pm waking the whole house up.

I then turned my anger on the two cats who were sitting there looking at me like a crazy person, so I yelled at them to get into the basement (where they go at night) like they need to go to bed too.

Is it possible I have already been punished for my irrational actions by not getting any sleep last night, and my husband not speaking to me? Or do I have more coming to me?

Sometimes I am such a loser! I know when I am in the middle of doing something like this, how ridiculous I:

1. Look (wagging my finger, wearing nice-mom pj’s, spit flying out of my mouth, nasty snarl on my face, stomping my BARE feet on the ground like it will make a difference.)

2. Sound (I throw out big Mom words and a few slurs and a swear word or two to make me sound so mean and tough)

3. AM (just plain RIDICULOUS!!!)
I am hoping by this post, someone out there can relate, maybe we can start a Loser Mom club, or IRATE LOSER Moms, or RIDICULOUSLY IRATE LOSER MOMS club. But we’d have like no other members; it would just be the two of us and our snowman pant pj’s, all lonely and loserish. Please don’t hate me, I figured I should let you know –I’m not perfect. As if you hadn’t already figured that one out from my previous posts. But I AM honest! I’ll be an angel tonight. I will kiss the hubby, tell him I am sorry, kiss my son, kiss the girls, ply them with a yummy treat, and not say the words CLEAN UP for 24 hours.(the last part being the hardest from an OCD freak w/ frequent bad Mom moments.)

I bet my son did this when I wasn't looking after he was born.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Sometimes I just WANT MY MOM!

Pinwheel Cookies – she bought them and we devoured them in front of the TV. You know the ones with marshmallow covered in dark chocolate on a graham cracker?

The movie Best Friends – w/ Goldie Hawn and Burt Reynolds – she introduced me to it and I love watching it at least once a year. We also saw ET in the theatre at least 6 times. And speaking of movies – the FIRST movie she took me to was Animal House when I was like six years old. She didn’t know until we walked in the theatre and saw naked men butts and promptly turned back around.

Christmas Decorating w/ Pizza – As soon as Dad went out of town we put up the tree and ate pizza – he was not a fan of either, so this was a special tradition.

Cabbage Patch Dolls – she went to Fisher Big Wheel at 5am to wait in line to get one for me.

Reading Books – I have a passion for reading thanks to her.

Backgammon – We used to play this together, especially when we were holed up in the cabin of our boat waiting out a storm.

Nature – I used to roll my eyes when she would point out the beautiful things in nature, now I point them out and think of her every time.

They are just jealous – the statement she made to make me feel better when the other girls were mean to me at school.

Kitties – There is no such thing as a cat, they are all kitties and they are so lucky to have her love.

Nannie – what my kids call her and what we called her Mother and her Grandmother.

Perfume – I have an appreciation for always owning a good bottle of it and wearing one scent only thanks to her. When she leaves my house we smell her for days and when we smell her scent we all say at the same time – I miss Nannie…..

Great hair, freckles, bony ankles and small feet – All physical attributes we share.

A Voice of Reason – When the hubby and I were huddled over our first born, WHISPERING to each other that he must have a fever because he was soaking wet with sweat, she came over to us and LOUDLY said, “you do not need to whisper over the baby, and that is not sweat – he pee’d out of his diaper.”

A love for making a house a home – If you walk into any of my rooms, I can name at least 10 things she has given to me or we both have the same of.

Stand by your Man – Should be her theme song and now thanks to her is mine.

Moon boots, leg warmers, Micheal Jackson coat covered in pins, Hot Pink, Bermuda purse,  shoulder pads, Dorothy Hamil haircut - you name it, she made sure we experienced ALL the fashion trends!

Except in the following picture when she got me the inflatable Halloween Costume - but now I now it's OK to make mistakes!
I love you Mom!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I'm smarter in the Shower

I have all my best Epiphany’s in the Shower. There I am minding my own business and out of nowhere I am hit with a thought, a realization, an idea, or a vision of what could happen. Thank god there are no cameras in the shower for the funny looks I must make in there.

I really need a waterproof pen and board, so I can write stuff down that comes to me. It’s not like I want this to happen to me in the shower, it’s not like I don’t have anything better to do. I have OCD remember, so I shave every single day no matter what – I’m busy in the shower, and it would be nice if I could be left alone to be a normal showering person. But no, instead I have to have light bulb moments and ideas to the point of distraction. Without my little sticky notes, I then have to recite the things that I am now thinking of until I leave the shower. I have failed to put pen and paper in the bathroom, so I continue to chant my mantra (buy more shampoo, sew patches on brownie uniform, make sure parts are shipping red, find sitter for Friday, blog about shower disturbances, invent waterproof message board) until I leave the bathroom and find pen and paper.

Somebody Beat me to it!!
  Many a morning you can see me streaking to the kitchen to find pen and paper to only then slip and slide my way back to the bathroom. I am not talking always serious and life changing things (that occurs maybe once or twice a year only) I mean stuff like things we need from the store that WHAM slap me in the brain like a glop of soap in the eye. Or like today when I remembered an important thing about a client and then proceeded to panic until I got to work only to discover that everything was taken care of. I have thought of everything from new inventions, new ways to satisfy a customer, figured out how to get my third grader to spell better, made a list of things for the Claus’s to buy and remembered important events in the nick of time all while IN THE SHOWER.

Maybe I should take more showers throughout the day and I would be more productive, and intuitive. Honestly, sometimes I wonder what I would do without my shower-time. However, the thought of getting up any earlier to be a more productive and thought-provoking citizen, well it’s not going to happen.

Maybe they should hold world peace conferences in a group shower setting?

Enjoying being smarter in the shower – How are you?

PS -The hubby said he needs pen and paper attached to the lawn mower - this is when his light bulb goes off!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Broken Ovens, Computer Viruses and Crazy Cats - Oh my!

I was all set to confess about being a big baby pants and for being too sensitive, because I was still holding a grudge from a bad day at work on Friday. But since I have been home from work, all kinds of fodder for my blog popped up!

My hubby announced that The Stove Man is coming tomorrow. I am so sure that he likes to be called the Stove Man, and am certain he will wear a cape and tights. (I am picturing smoky grey hair, consistency of a brilo pad, cream and black colored super suit and a nice picture of an oven on his BROAD chest- but if he looks like Robert Downey Jr., I’m calling in sick!) However, he will probably tell us the reason the oven isn’t working is due to lack of cleaning. (And if he looks like RDJr- I might have to ask him for cleaning lessons) I am REALLY hoping he says: “You’d be better off with a new one than fixing this one.” We rent out cozy cabin, and the oven/stove from the 1970’s ( I said I like Vintage but I prefer appliance that LOOK vintage not act vintage) was part of the package. Of course we had just sold our BRAND NEW stove/oven before we moved, not realizing how very old these appliances were. I’m DREAMING it would nice for the landlord to just replace this one. Dare I hope that there is a clearance on stainless steel appliances and he gets us a new Fridge/Stove/Oven combo???

During dinner my youngest made this statement: “Sage said her Gerbil bit off his leg.” – YUM. Now please finish your taco.


At dinner I made this statement: “By Friday night, I would like all three of you to write Mr. and Mrs. Claus about what you might like for Christmas. Creativity will get you bonus points.” Last year, we decided to tell the kids THE TRUTH. Mainly because we had a nice Christmas by the very skin of our teeth and we thought it might be nice if the kids didn’t think that even Santa was going through hard times. We wanted them to know immediately after Santa delivered the goods so that they would understand it didn’t change anything. WOW, were WE hero’s for about a good month after that confession! But now the pressure is ON and I really need to get a head start on being the best darn Mrs. Claus I can.

This is what is currently happening in my house: We can’t find the red box movie case to The Prince of Persia, so two of the kids are taking turns arguing about who lost it and looking for it. We have had to separate them by room due to the arguing and they now have timed searches. I get the feeling we are buying The Prince of Persia. My hubby is aggressively trying to kill a virus that got on his work computer and getting more and more irate as the minutes pass, while my oldest is rocking back and forth hovering over my husband waiting for his attention on a computer issue going on in his room and asking A LOT of questions. Now, if it were me throwing the temper tantrum at the computer, the kids would stay FAR away, but with my hubby they just keep at it. It is kind of making me giggle, but in a way that I KNOW is going to get me in a LOT of trouble.

Speaking of the hubby, WHY does he feel the need to Re-load the dishwasher when I am done loading it??????? We have arguments that would break records on You Tube about this. Whose a better loader? Me, of course!

I bet he just LETS her load it!

Is it bad when you have to ask a co-worker to help you formulate a Christmas Eve menu for 21 people?

Speaking of the growing more and more irate hubby in the dark corner with his computer, he kindly said yes when a Mom asked him if she could drop her son off some mornings before school. (What a guy, I know) The kids tell me just today that this boy is allergic to cats (I tried that one too and it didn’t work for me) and today after harassing the cat for the thousandth time for the first time ever he got a sniffle. He tells my hubby as he is being let out of the car that he is going to need to see the nurse right away because he is having a bad allergic reaction. THEN to top the poor guy’s ( the hubby) day off, he runs home at lunch to grab a computer disc to find the cats that he claims I forced him to buy for the kids, in the basement ceiling. Last week around this time of night we heard a loud crash and the cat fell out of the ceiling bringing lights and tiles with him. We fixed and repaired the mess, and closed up any and all possible ways into the ceiling that we could. Guess we were mistaken!

A lot can happen in a two hour time span. Having a usual hectic Monday night, How are You?

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Happy 10/10/10!

Look what I got -
We are having a gorgeous weekend, what could be the last for us in AWHILE, and of course right at the end of bike riding season, I find this!  I haven't had a bike since I was a kid, and I have been wanting a vintage one for awhile now.  While walking around enjoying the weather we came across this one and you can't beat the price.  As soon as we put some air in the tires I took off on it.  Later, my son saw a friend that lives on our street and the friend said to him - " Your mom had the biggest smile we have ever seen on her face riding that bike". 
I know, right? I am a NERD.  The only problem is that our street is one mile exactly (will have to ride up and down it several times for any kind of exercise)with a long incline - great going down, but the two times I tried, I haven't been able to get up it all the way without getting off the bike, YET.  One of today's goals - get up the hill.
I forgot how much fun riding a bike could be, but my legs are yelling at me already.

And, in honor of 10/10/10 - I have to take care of some business:

Thanks to Kelley of:

I received my first Blog award and now I have to follow the rules.

I have to tell you Ten Things I like:

SNOW – the more the better. This truly aggravates everyone I know, but if you can't change it, you gotta lean to love it. We happen to live in what is called the snow belt, and we get plenty of it!
The smell of Eucalyptus

Playing board games or cards or Bingo, Pool, Corn hole, Boccie – anything with a group of people.  (Sadly hardly anyone I know likes this stuff) I imagine I will have lot of friends when I am elderly with perky Boobs!

Pajama Day – I typically designate one day a month to not getting dressed and lounging in my pj’s with the kids.

Chicago – In my dream world, I would have a condo in Chicago, a house where I live now, and a vacation spot in Disney World.

You guessed it – I really do love Disney World. Even without Kids.

British Chic Lit – I read for fun, life is too serious for anything else.

LOUD Alternative Rock Music – I love to get all melancholy and listen to loud music and just think.

Working. Hello, my name is Kristen and I am a workaholic. I feel guilty on a day off.

Dark Chocolate and ONLY dark chocolate.

And Now Ten Blogs I follow that Deserve an Award and for you to check them out:

Alexa’s -

Leslie’s -

Brittany’s -

Michelle’s -

RW Wells -

Gingeyginge’s -

Cheeseboy’s -

Emily’s -

Mean Girl’s -

Sobrina’s -

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Poopkins and a Mouthful of Fingernails

If Only I were this Creative
On my weekend To Do list is: Get Pumpkins.
We try to find a place to go that offers more than just picking up a pumpkin – something to put you in the fall spirit of things. I especially love the IDEA of a corn maze; however my experience is that unless you wear boots, have a compass, and bring a snack, it’s not as much fun as it sounds. Those corn fields are damp and full of spiders and critters too! The last one we went to me and my big mouth were lost for a good hour plus, while Mr. can’t –get- home- without- getting- lost, was out in ten minutes! (Thankfully he stuck around – but he had eaten lunch and was chatting up the Amish ladies when I finally made it out!)
Then you have the whole process of carving the pumpkins – which again, SOUNDS like family fun, but it’s just messy and nerve-racking for me. I really do not want to remember Fall by re-calling when one of the kids sliced off a finger.
Then you have to cook the seeds – again sounds great, even the smell and first bite is mouth-watering, but after that – well the whole mouthful of finger nails sensation in my mouth -no thanks. But I go along with all of it with GREAT enthusiasm. I love the IDEA of it all, but really, when you start worrying about costumes in August, sometimes the thought of me as an elderly lady in my rocking chair with a couple of un-carved pumpkins and a bowl of candy on my lap sounds so exciting!

We tried to grow our own pumpkins once. We threw some seeds out back (where the grass is always higher in one spot because of the septic system below) They were HUGE! For a while we thought we might be able to take one to the county fair: (So, how’d you get them to get so big? "Well, we grew them in the septic – NO,STOP! Don’t CARVE them!!")

Pretty sure he grows them over the septic system.

We called them our Poopkins and we DID NOT eat the seeds. However that might have been the year that the Squirrels got into them because some of the squirrels around the house ARE abnormally large…..

Feeling better than a Poopkin – How are you?

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

I've got Nothin'

ALL DAY I thought of topics to talk about. NOTHING. Nothing worth telling you anyway. I tried. I started a few titles:
My life if I were Soap Opera Charachter
But then it sounded so much more exciting than my life rather than worse, so I stopped)

Why Can't I Excersise Like I Blog?
 But then I thought you would think I was just plain lazy. Because I'm not! I just like mental wokouts more than physical ones.

I was going to tell you that they spotted a black bear fairly close to where we live, and if you re-call my post about all the critters I have had in my yard and remember when I said "Mark my words, I will see a bear yet" - well, I am locked inside my house now.

I was going to tell you how I picked out the song I want played at my funeral. (Moon River by Louis Armstrong ) but then you would think I was really morbid.

I could have shared the poem I co-wrote with my son the MINUTE I walked in the door from work. It had to rhyme, and each line had to have a letter of the alphabet in it -OH and it had to be about school.  Can't wait to see my A on that one!

I could tell you how we brought home Panera for dinner. They have officially jumped the shark by the way.  I will never get Panera again. My soup was a literal one cup measurement- we tested it.

I could tell you how last nght I was confirming a friend request on facebook when I saw all these other friend requests and I panicked, thinking all these people had asked me to be their friend and I just ignored them! So I frantically confirmed them until I realized they were merely SUGGESTIONS and now a bunch of people are wondering why I am so lonely.  STUPID FACEBOOK!

I could tell you that I wore new jeans today and if I do say so myself, my butt looked good - but then that would just be fishing......
Well, I WILL tell you that tomorrow's post will be better. Now I am off to watch the new Karate Kid with um, the kids because they are forcing me to, not because I secretly LOVED the movie and can't wait to watch it again....

Worried my small readership has just dropped - How are you?

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Advice Review - Time Management

Another EXPERT has Time Management Tips for us on YAHOO!! They had 30 tips, I have had to delete several due to lack of time for both you and me.

Let’s check it out:

1. Obvious (their words not mine) tip one: Make a to-do list (electronic or paper). Put the most important item first and work down from there.

I needed an expert to tell me this. My whole life I have been making lists –I even put a sticky note on the back of my phone every day with obvious things to do – still doesn’t help me find the time to get any of it done!

2. Obvious tip two: At the end of your day, review what you've done and make a new list for the next day. In order of importance.

The problem is finding the time, now you want me to add more time by making two lists every day and then check them – twice. But most importantly I will have to re-write my list several times because the order of importance changes as I think of more things to do – this list making thing is not going to work so well for someone like me.

3. Be ruthless about setting priorities. Make sure that what you think is important is really important.

If I am putting it on my list I am pretty sure it is important but if I were to ask someone else how important –let’s say, vacuuming is, I am pretty sure they are going to tell me they’d rather I cook dinner instead. Then I have to add to my list:  plan dinner, groceries, cook dinner, clean- up after dinner. Then I have to be RUTHLESS about it – GREAT- my family already thinks I am a you-know-what when I get home -this is going to be PERFECT.

4. Learn to differentiate between the important and the urgent. What's important is not always urgent. What's urgent is not always important.

I am so confused? Important vs. urgent. Is from a fortune cookie the author had at lunch before they wrote this advice?

6. All things being equal, do the hardest, least fun thing first. Just get it over with!

Pretty sure the things on my to-do list are all hard and not so much fun. Otherwise they WOULDN’T BE ON THE LIST!

7. If a task takes less than five minutes, do it right away. If it takes longer, put it on the list.

OK, so everything then goes on the list? HOW IS THIS HELPING??

9. Schedule some uninterrupted time each day when you can concentrate on important tasks, even if you have to take refuge in a conference room or at the library.

I thought we were trying to figure out how to get things done? Now I have to SCHEDULE uninterrupted time each day. What exactly am I supposed to get done at the Library or in the conference room??? Whose list are you looking at?

To Do: Look for a New Book to read, Make new friends, Sit in all the chairs like you are Goldilocks, Pretend you are Donald Trump and Fire somebody.

11. For a couple of days, take an inventory of how you spend your time to find out where and how you're wasting it.

OK, let’s now add to my TO DO list – find time to figure out how I am wasting time.

Results: Spent an hour sitting in the library. Spent an hour sitting in the conference room testing out all the chairs. Spent an hour re-writing my to do list.

14. For big, complex tasks, schedule wiggle room. Projects tend to take longer than you think/hope. Give yourself a buffer.

So I don’t have time as it is and now I need to add wiggle room. This is like watching one of those bad home improvement shows where they don’t have enough money to flip the house but they keep adding more and more things to make it look nice.

15. If part of your day involves routine repetitive tasks, keep records of how long they take and then try to do them faster.

Get the stopwatch! Kids, I’m going to start vacuuming –Time me! (WAIT! Let me add this to my to-do list first!)

16. Go one step further and set specific time limits for routine tasks. Work tends to fill whatever amount of time you happen to have.

Really??? So If I schedule 15 minutes to do laundry, there will actually be LESS laundry to do??? NOW WE ARE TALKING!

18. Value your time. People who wander into your workspace to chat do not respect you or your schedule. Set boundaries.

My husband, my kids, my blogger friends, my pets they do not value me or respect my schedule –NEWSFLASH!

20. In general, guard against overscheduling yourself.

I wear a Kevlar vest daily- it doesn’t work.

[See 39 Ways to Annoy Your Coworkers.] (Now your talking!)

21. Bottom line to items 19 and 20: Learn to delegate, wherever and whenever you can.

Is this person FOR REAL??? You don’t think I have tried this? My kids are ON TO my Bribes!

23. Reward yourself for completing tasks on time. No fun stuff until the work stuff is done.

Story of my life. So I should be rewarded in what, 20 years??

25. Schedule demanding tasks for that part of your day when you're at your peak.

I better go ask my hubby – or better yet, let’s not.

26. Group related tasks (e.g., sort papers on your desk and then file them). It's more efficient.

What kind of To Do list does this person have? I have a feeling the Author has a personal chef, housecleaner, tutor for the kids, Nanny, and Lady for Hire for the hubby – shuffling papers????

27. Use down time (e.g., waiting for meetings to begin) to, for example, update your to-do list or answer E-mails.

FINALLY –ONE way to find some extra time! Let me help – if you don’t wait for meetings, I find when you are going to the bathroom a brief moment of “down time” – might be a place to UPDATE THE TO DO LIST (WHEN DO WE GET THE STUFF DONE ON THE LIST???????)

28. This advice applies to life outside work, too. It's better to be excellent at a few things than average at many.

NOW I FEEL LIKE A TOTAL LOSER- THANK YOU! (still thinking this was from a Fortune cookie.

29. Don't be afraid to get projects done early. It takes them off your mind, and it doesn't mean you'll just be given more to do.


30. Create the business environment that works for you. Adjust the lighting, turn off your E-mail pinger, get that cup of tea. Set the stage and get to work.

Hang on Boss – let me dim the lights, get my cup of tea, turn on some slow music and we can get started…………………


Busy working on my To Do list, HOW ARE YOU??

Monday, October 4, 2010

Don't Let it Expire!

I have a little tale to tell you today. A true story. One of many crazy little things that have happened to me that I forget about (usually THANKFULLY) and then something reminds me of when ________ happened.

Once upon a time I glanced at my Drivers License and saw that it was going to expire on my next birthday. I was VERY pregnant at the time and let’s just say I forgot about it. I kind of remembered it from time to time but I was busy, hormonal, busy, tired, busy and then just felt too fat to have my picture taken. Several months later for some reason or another somebody looked at my Drivers License and told me, well no STATED in HORROR yet excitement – “UH OH, your license is REALLY expired”! I didn’t think it was a big deal. I waited a little longer and when I couldn’t keep the thought out of my head any more, I called the DMV. (Dreaded being the key word) I was told that when coming in to “re-new” my license, if I drove myself there, I would promptly be arrested.

I was at work that day and I can tell you EXACTLY what I was wearing – this is important to note for later in this little tale. My husband at the time (meaning that time period but still my husband now, although it WAS touch and go after this little episode) was home during the day with the kids so I called and asked him if he could drive me the half hour to the DMV so I could re-new my license.

He told me: 1) I was an idiot. 2) I’m supposed to know when my license expires. 3) He and all three kids were still in PJ’s.

I told him: 1) I know I’m an idiot what’s his excuse? 2) I AM supposed to know when my license expires but I had been a little busy being pregnant and stuff and 3) All he had to do was DRIVE – just throw the kids in the car in their jammies, himself included, they would just be in the parking lot the whole time anyway – hey maybe they would nap?!

Needless to say thirty minutes later we were stonily driving to the DMV about 40 minutes from my office.

When I got to the DMV it was unusually crowded. I didn’t take into consideration that it being in a college town it would be so busy. I left hubby and three wide awake kids in the van and presented my expired self to the oh-so-pleasant DMV employees. I was asked if I wanted to study first. STUDY? FOR WHAT? - For the written test I had to re-take of course. Ok, so this was not a problem, certainly I knew the rules by then so I took the test. After finishing – I’d say about 40 minutes later, I was then asked to wait for the officer. FOR WHAT? For the driving portion of the test of course.

At this point I KNEW I was in BIG TROUBLE. “REALLY, I said, because you told me I couldn’t drive here so what car are we taking this driving test IN?” The oh-so-pleasant employee asked me how I had gotten to the DMV and I told her I had gotten a ride, and she then asked where my ride was, and I told her in the parking lot and she said GREAT – here’s the officer now.

I began to speed walk to the waiting van with the “officer” closely following. I told him I had to just let my “ride” know and I’d call him over when we were ready. Here is what happened next:

The window rolled down

The sounds of crying from within the car came out

My husband wanted to know if I was INSANE?

I told him I didn’t think so.

There was a lot of swearing, you have got to be kidding me’s, more swearing and doors slamming.

I waved at the Officer so he would be assured that everything was just fine, and I’d be ready in a second….

My hubby in a t-shirt shorts and sandals, with a baby carrier in one hand, a toddler in pj’s on his hip and a small boy trailing behind in full Spiderman costume with (THANK GOD) sandals on and sticky up hair stormed past.

I told the Officer I was ready! Then nervously explained how my husband works nights and I sprung this on him, and normally the kids are all dressed and cleaned up by now, but today was ONE OF THOSE DAYS of course and he kindly told me to stop talking and start driving.

Keep in mind at this point I have come from work, so I am dressed up in skirt, blouse, heels, and hose. I have just left a van with three kids and an angry husband, where I was making bribes, giving kisses, being tugged at and well, nervously worrying about the state of my marriage.

The Officer and I have a nice leisurely drive (honestly at that point I was wondering what WAS the point of a slow drive with no parallel parking, no highway driving, just a nice, round the block drive?)– me feeling like a sixteen year old again and the Officer well now that I think back, having what is shaping up to be a very nice day if he does say so himself.

We arrive back at the DMV, and the Officer avoids looking me in the eye and tells me I have passed and rushes inside. As habit goes, I look down to see that my skirt is pulled up a little too far, and FOR GOD’S SAKE WHY ARE MY BUTTONS UN-DONE?? !! REALLY. I looked like – well I looked like I was desperate to pass this test. I wanted to shout after the Officer – Wait! My boobs are still a little too big from recently having a baby, and the kids were giving me hugs and kisses and well, gosh, never mind – Thanks for passing me!!

As I sheepishly walked towards the building, I can see my husband still holding the baby carrier, holding a now screaming toddler in the other arm and Spiderman twirling around him. He sees me, storms past and says he’ll see me in the car and I’m really in trouble now. I was worried for a minute – did he SEE my buttons un-done and think I would be purposefully so stupid?

Come to find out, another thirty minutes later (after all the paperwork was done) he told me in a REALLY angry, teeth clenching way a little story:

As he stood in the hallway with three disheveled, barefoot, pj’d kids, a man came into the building.

This man happened to be the same man with whom he had an interview with the day prior.

For the Engineering job – the one he REALLY wanted.

The man thought it was such a funny coincidence that their licenses expired at the same time.

He asked when the Hubby’s birthday was.

The hubby had to tell him, no- he was just giving his wife a ride to the DMV with three kids in tow, all in pj’s,- well for the heck of it!

The man told him he THOUGHT he looked a lot different than the day before!

He didn’t get the job.

I will never let my driver’s license expire again as long as I live. So today when I saw it, I checked the date – I do this habitually now. If for some reason I am in a coma and my license happens to expire, I will call a friend – one with no children and we will NEVER let my hubby know.

Just having a little chuckle – How are YOU?