Restless

Why I love Winter

There is a period of time every season when I go through this "thing".  It's not depression.  It's not anxiety. It's not boredom really.  Maybe it is a little bit of all of those things?
The problem is that I thrive on change.  Throw an obstacle my way and although I will fuss at first, deep down, I love it.  So when things aren't monumentally changing, I am a little lost.  But when I think about the things I do in a week's time, I realize things are always changing and I am always doing, yet I still feel RESTLESS.
That's it -  RESTLESS is a great way to describe how I feel.

I have a hard time concentrating on one particular thing and when I do try to do something in particular, my mind just goes in a million directions.  I can't just clean the house because then I feel like I should be playing with the kids.  I can't play with the kids, because I worry about the mess in the house.

Before Christmas, I got my nails done (which is a rare treat because I am hopeless at ever having nice nails unless professionally done and then they last 5 days nicely but that's it.)  I spend the majority of the time fussing over my nails, examining them, picking them, looking at them, touching them etc......
That is how I feel.  I should be satisfied and enjoy the moment, but instead, I have to pick it apart until it changes and then I have something to complain about/fix/obsess over.....

I dream of having a day with no plans or things that HAVE to be done.  Saturday we had NOTHING planned. I cleaned the house.  I was miserably restless.

Today we were out of the house by noon despite the freezing temps.  We toured an open house -a huge old Victorian that has been sitting empty on our town square for several years.  It was freezing and not as exciting as I thought it would be.  The kids all have friends over and I am starting to wander restlessly through the house - folding a load of laundry here, checking my email, deciding to crack open one of the many un-read books and then remembering the water ring on the table I could wipe up and picking up cat food crumbs on the floor on the way there.

Is there such a thing as relax - ADHD or inability to be LAZY?

I think it has a lot to do with the weather. (cold, wet, snowy)
The time of year - January.  What IS there to do exciting in this month for ANYONE?
(if there is something, maybe don't tell me what it is.......)

The lack of funds. (We just had to buy glasses for three and a set of contacts) (Two of the three are 9 and 12 - NOT a good Mom moment - they were half blind....)

But even if the weather was amazing and money were no object, WHAT would I be doing?

When I ask myself - "What do you REALLY want to do?"  the only thing I can think of is socializing. Just being with a group of people and hanging out - laughing, playing games, talking.

But ideally not at my house - because then I'll worry about getting it cleaned up before, during and after.

Looks like a great place to party to me! Except, I kind of hate when the snow gets messed up in the yard.......... :O

I am a real pain in the ass - but hey, I bet I made you feel slightly better about yourself and if so, then I have managed to to do ONE thing today!

If I Crave it, will it Happen?

I have a craving to go bowling with a group of people. It’s been a LONG time since I have done this,

Wait – have I EVER bowled with a group of ADULTS, or was that a movie I watched?

I have a craving to go dancing. I can say for sure that it has been over a year since I have done this. A YEAR. That is pathetic.

I have a craving to smack my husband - (Did I just type that??) Whoops!

I have a craving to go to a little town crammed with interesting shops and spend money!

I have a craving to fly somewhere. It has been embarrassingly too long since I have bought a plane ticket and flown anywhere. Thank you crappy economy.

I have a craving to MOVE. I am currently going on my second longest stay in a home after moving 12 times. Every time I open a cupboard that is in a bit of disarray, I crave to start packing and set up house all over again.

I have a craving to have an all-girls sleepover party. For me not the little ones. Where we do too much laughing and acting like we were 15 again.

I have a craving to go to a Rodeo – Me, the girl who strongly dis-likes country music, loves bull riding.

I have a craving to go to a concert, a bachelorette party, an adult’s only party of any kind.

I have a craving to hang out with the kids and play games all day – under one condition – the house has to be already clean and we must wear pajamas. (One winter day a few years ago when all the kids could still tolerate each other, I took off of work and made the kids pick one snack, and one game to play each. We all wore jammies and ate junk food while playing games and it was so much fun!)

I have a craving to go to my Nannie and Poppies house and hang out with my Mom and Aunt eating birthday cake for no reason, laughing and doing all sorts of bad things. (Like throwing my contacts into my suitcase because I had a little too much to drink and watching them search wobbly and painstakingly through everything to find them.)

I have a craving to watch all my favorite movies in one day.

Unfortunately, my cravings are too big for my wallet and there never seems to be the right amount of time, darn it!

What do you crave right now? Let’s see if we can make them happen from now until the end of winter- which for me should be right about April 30th! I’ll keep you posted on my progress.