|Why I love Winter|
There is a period of time every season when I go through this "thing". It's not depression. It's not anxiety. It's not boredom really. Maybe it is a little bit of all of those things?
The problem is that I thrive on change. Throw an obstacle my way and although I will fuss at first, deep down, I love it. So when things aren't monumentally changing, I am a little lost. But when I think about the things I do in a week's time, I realize things are always changing and I am always doing, yet I still feel RESTLESS.
That's it - RESTLESS is a great way to describe how I feel.
I have a hard time concentrating on one particular thing and when I do try to do something in particular, my mind just goes in a million directions. I can't just clean the house because then I feel like I should be playing with the kids. I can't play with the kids, because I worry about the mess in the house.
Before Christmas, I got my nails done (which is a rare treat because I am hopeless at ever having nice nails unless professionally done and then they last 5 days nicely but that's it.) I spend the majority of the time fussing over my nails, examining them, picking them, looking at them, touching them etc......
That is how I feel. I should be satisfied and enjoy the moment, but instead, I have to pick it apart until it changes and then I have something to complain about/fix/obsess over.....
I dream of having a day with no plans or things that HAVE to be done. Saturday we had NOTHING planned. I cleaned the house. I was miserably restless.
Today we were out of the house by noon despite the freezing temps. We toured an open house -a huge old Victorian that has been sitting empty on our town square for several years. It was freezing and not as exciting as I thought it would be. The kids all have friends over and I am starting to wander restlessly through the house - folding a load of laundry here, checking my email, deciding to crack open one of the many un-read books and then remembering the water ring on the table I could wipe up and picking up cat food crumbs on the floor on the way there.
Is there such a thing as relax - ADHD or inability to be LAZY?
I think it has a lot to do with the weather. (cold, wet, snowy)
The time of year - January. What IS there to do exciting in this month for ANYONE?
(if there is something, maybe don't tell me what it is.......)
The lack of funds. (We just had to buy glasses for three and a set of contacts) (Two of the three are 9 and 12 - NOT a good Mom moment - they were half blind....)
But even if the weather was amazing and money were no object, WHAT would I be doing?
When I ask myself - "What do you REALLY want to do?" the only thing I can think of is socializing. Just being with a group of people and hanging out - laughing, playing games, talking.
But ideally not at my house - because then I'll worry about getting it cleaned up before, during and after.
|Looks like a great place to party to me! Except, I kind of hate when the snow gets messed up in the yard.......... :O|
I am a real pain in the ass - but hey, I bet I made you feel slightly better about yourself and if so, then I have managed to to do ONE thing today!