Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Don't Drop the Kids off in MY Yard -

The bubble has burst.

It’s all fun and games until someone _ _ _ _ _ in the pool.

I left the house this morning; coffee cup in hand, pulled out of the garage, briefly admired my house for a moment (getting to be a little habit), glanced into the backyard and noticed the pool. Something not quite right over there. Got out of the car to get the hubby.

He reluctantly walked over to the pool. Took a look, looked into the woods, looked all around the pool area, and then said – “You’re going to have to come see it to believe it.”

        Last year my brother and family took the kids on a long weekend camping trip at the start of summer. The hubby and I should have done nothing but enjoy each other’s company but instead went out and bought the kids a pool. The kind of pool that stays up all summer, gets put away during the winter, but has the filter, chlorine, ladder, water comes up to my knees but I’ve been known to do some water aerobics in there.
The kids loved the surprise. We put it right outside of their bedroom windows and that pool was put to great use the rest of the summer. This year with the move, we got a late start. Then we had a small patching job, but finally the pool was permanently installed and put to use last weekend. The girls swam in it three times and on Saturday, I even got in and cooled off. Last night they had a friend over and I had to practically muzzle them to stop from screaming in excitement. (I have tried explaining going from no neighbors to lots of neighbors and using an indoor voice outside to no avail)

Everyone went to bed all tuckered out, happy in our little cozy home.

When I walked over to the pool and looked in, I saw what could have been a tree branch, a foot long and 8” wide hot dog, a log even, but in my heart I knew what I was looking at.

It was a POOP!

The water was streaming out at a good rate from three large knife holes in the side of the pool. The grass from the back of the yard to the woods and the flower bed was trampled.

I really wanted to believe this was from a LARGE animal, but I knew in my heart this was HUMAN POOP.

Someone entered our yard with a knife, got in the pool, did a LARGE “doodie” (and then some- yes….) and then stuck three giant holes in the pool.

The day went down the toilet from there.
Long story short, there is a very sick person living near us. We did call the police, they didn’t seem surprised, the neighbors had a few stories and basically it boils down to this: That little bubble I was living in has now burst. I am now fully aware that I am not living in a dream-land and that there are strange people everywhere. I’m trying to stay on the funny side of the story and on my drive home from work I thought about all the places I have lived and all the strange neighbors and weird situations I have been in and I’m trying really hard to not FREAK OUT.

I have now heard every horror story from everyone I know about someone who lives by them or did live near them. I have promised the kids a different swimming plan that they seem to be OK with, and I have considered adopting a very large adult guard dog for my yard.

I also have had the following suggestions:

Tell the Hell’s Angels their new meeting place is my backyard.

Invest in a paint gun and entice the person back with a disposable baby pool.

Get cameras installed (the police suggested this one)

Do DNA on the poop (Mom, I know you worked in a hospital but I just can’t seem to find the courage for this one)

Place a Porta-potty where the pool once sat.

Adopt a large adult dog.

Invite all the guys from work over for a backyard brawl.

Light up the backyard like a football field and encourage the local team to play all night long.

Record the hubby shooting his automatic weapon and play it on a reel periodically through the night.


Forgettabout it.

I’ll keep you posted on my plan of action. For now, I’m just trying to get my bubble back.


Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

that is totally disgusting. i'm so sorry that your welcoming committee was not the kind that anyone would want. on the bright side, it was the pool and not your tires. disgusting and cruel. i'd go for the large outdoor dog.

Kate said...

This is really awful. And yet, your line "the day went down the toilet from there" made me laugh. Good luck deciding on your plan of action.

A Cappelli said...

Aww, that is just awful- so disgusting and disrespectful. I am so sorry that happened to you. Yes, I will now bow my head shamefully for complaining about cat puke on my foot today. You definitely deserve a vacation or a major award for your having your innocent swimming pool transformed into a cesspool. Sending you my best and warmest wishes for a better tomorrow(and even better days to come).

Kelley said...

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, no!!!!!!!! Are you serious??? That is disgusting and really disturbing. I definitely vote for the dog but then you'll be cleaning up HIS poop! Yuck, yuck, yuck.

kt moxie said...

Wow. Gross and creepy. I'm going with a) the camera in the back yard, b) invite over Hell's Angels for a party, c) get a big dog, and d) daddy gets a shotgun.

Cheeseboy said...

I am laughing hard at this, I am sorry.

Although, please know that there is a special corner of hell reserved for this person. He gets to sit in Satan's pool of blood for eternity.

Kimmie said...

ohhhhh...that is just so gross! I would go the camera angle. They have those motion sensor ones that hunters BIL has one to keep track of the wildlife that tromps through there backyard to make sure there are no coyotes to eat my poodle nephew.

Doria said...

Ahh well that really sucks!!! Asshats! I like that portapotty idea, Id go with that. :) Good luck lady. I wouldn't worry to much!

The Woven Moments said...

That's really shitty.

Julie said...

Aww, Kristen, I'm so sorry. That is really pathetic that someone finds that fun or entertaining. I hope maybe someone catches that idiot. My inflatable snowman was slashed with a knife last year and I was very sad to remember that there are people out there that just don't care about anyone else. Hope this is the last of that type of "crap" for awhile!

.bec said...

Ugh. That's horrible!! My vote is for the large, adult dog!

Kristy said...

I once had neighbors from HELL. Among other things, they shot my goat - she lived, but the babies she was carrying died, they constantly stole from our property, and they swam and crapped in our water tank.
I was lucky enough to get violently ill from the dirty water. I do not miss them at all. Ever.

Good luck with your psycho neighbor. It's probably just an angry punk kid with too much time and not enough sense.