Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Endangered Object #335: The House Phone

 I love my cell phone.  We got rid of our house phone because each of us now has a cell phone.  No more telemarketers. No more wrong numbers. No collectors. (Not that I know what those calls would be like or anything –cough, cough)

No more ringing when I am “indisposed”. No more "accidentally" answering the call from someone I don’t want to talk to. ( I would NEVER!)

As a plus, my NEW car is hands-free wired, and when my cell phone jumped into the washer a few months ago, (outdated cell phone suicide) I had to break down and get an iPhone (You can tell I'm a novice - is it I-Phone, iphone, i-phone ???) which I must say really is the best thing since hair color in a box, because let’s face it, sliced bread is OK, but hair color from the grocery store is the bomb (for working Moms on a budget with stubborn greys who has a husband willing to apply it)

I am pretty sure there are some people who have a house phone and one cell phone for the whole house that would be horrified by the ways in which I use said phone:

I text my son all the time.  When he is at home.  In his room. Just a few rooms away from where I am sitting.
 In my defense, his room is upstairs. 
The only other room up those stairs is one other bedroom. The only reason for me to go up those stairs is to have a good yell about the messes, so I avoid that section of the house most days that I want my family to like me.  In my defense, his door is always  shut and the music is louder than my voice can carry.  
Plus, I am tired of going up there and pounding on the door.  Then yelling, and then pushing my way through the door which sticks and squeezing my eyes shut in case I would see something I don't want to see....

So I text him.  He actually thinks this is strange and it has the perfect effect on him. – He comes OUT of his room and joins the family. It's kind of like my way of sending a formal invitation.

I text the hubby romantic promises I have a hard time keeping.  
Can I tell you a little secret? I think about the hubby whenever I am not with him. So I text him what I plan to do or want to do - he responds, and then when it comes down to REAL LIFE – we (me and the mouse in my pocket) are too tired, too busy, too interrupted most of the time, 
so I have resorted to, yes I'm saying it - Sex ting.  (It's pretty PG-13 stuff, I HAVE accidentally included the kids in my messages....)

I send the kids messages of love and encouragement.  I stopped making lunches a long time ago.  On the rare occasion that I do, I always forget to add the little note.  But most days my kids can see a message from me on their phone letting them know I’m thinking of them.  Sometimes it's -
 I love you, hope you have a good day!!
but mostly it's: "If there is a mess when I get home you are so grounded!"

I never call people just to talk…..(where do people find that kind of time??) Unless I’m stuck in traffic, (*hands free) on a long commute, or in a never ending line.  THEN I call my Mom and anyone else I haven’t had time to say Hi to lately who are willing to answer. They feel so special when they get these phone calls from me.  It's like they KNOW I have nothing better to do.... ?

I tease people with silly pictures - this is the cat that refuses to cuddle or associate with any of us.  The other night the girls went to sleepovers and here comes Mr. Anti-Social Pants curling up with the hubby, so of course I had to send it the girls.....
I make plans, then break them.  I grab the phone out of my kids hands and send a text that sounds so much better than what they were going to write.  I keep tabs on where my kids are - 
"You are at Joey's?",
 "OK, then take a picture of you with his Mom."
I program phone numbers I don't ever want to answer with their own ring tone and screen name. Sometimes I have to hide those calls from the kids.....

I've gotten really good at faking static.

Aren't cell phones just the greatest thing since 
A solution to my toasted sandwich issue!!


Mike said...

Good read Kristen!

I can remember sitting in our basement staring at our rotary dial phone trying to get the courage to call a girl... I would pray that her father wouldn't answer! It was much harder for us and yet I think it added excitement to the whole experience. Though I'm a big fan of texting, our kids miss out on having to directly communicate and it shows because they have no skills. ;)

"Miss Bee" said...

We are currently trying to decide if we should get rid of the home phone or not. We never (as in NEVER) use it, but it is just this false sense of security in case I ever have to call my 911 and want my home address to show up. I really want to invent a home phone plan that costs $9.11 a month and only works for outgoing emergency calls.

But I digress. I think your reasons for using your iPhone are perfectly appropriate. Just don't EVER send pictures of your lady parts to your husband and accidentally include your kids. They would be scarred for life.

That gentleman's lady said...

oh the landline at home is pretty much dead. none of the handsets have been charged in a year. and? i get charged extra for not making the two calls a month minimum that are included in the "all calls within the uk free" dealio....

stupid me?

nah, i just cant be arsed to keep up with the landline...

Hey Monkey Butt said...

I didn't drop the land line because I was tired of the junk calls. I'm just never home!!