The Little Things –

I cut my legs shaving 4 times today. Either someone sabotaged my razor, or maybe antibiotics make your skin thin?? I don’t know what it is but teeny tiny razor cuts hurt as bad as hangnails and papercuts.
I was screaming and swearing in the bathroom for no one to hear but myself. I was so frustrated. Apparently it is my job to handle all things poop.
I scoop the cat poop, I clean the toilets, I wiped three little butts for a total of nine years. I even once removed someone else’s poop from a toilet because it magically appeared while I was in the bathroom and wouldn’t flush. I didn’t want to be accused of leaving it, so logically I removed it, threw it in the garbage and then took the garbage outside. Poor garbage men……
The straw that broke this camel’s back is when I couldn’t figure out what the white stuff was stuck to the toilet when I got home from work. When I figured out that it was toilet paper that had gotten there when the toilet clogged and over-flowed and was never cleaned up properly, I went a little bat sh*$. (Pun, intended) and used some colorful language appropriate for the bathroom only. Those words sounded nice in an echo-y room and made me feel slightly better.

My daughter has a friend over and for the first time since I was a kid, I have just heard this sentence:

“We’re booooooreddddd, what can we dooooooo?” Now putting my entertainment director uniform on.

(I have some toilets you can clean….)

I found a long hair in my eyebrow this morning AND realized that for the first time ever, I just hired someone who could be my child. Literally. I am old enough to be his mother. I am really disturbed by both of these things. The long hair in my eyebrow and that I am now old enough to be someone’s Mom who is old enough to have a job.

Happy Friday.

This is Where I Work

I hired a 20 year old yesterday for our shipping department. He was recently laid off from a job he had since dropping out of high school to care for his Mom. When he left with the good news that the job was his, he walked to his car, looked into the mirrored windows and did a little happy dance.


What he didn’t know (and couldn’t see) is that on the other side of the window is the office of a lady who is thrilled to come to work every day. The witnessing of his happy dance made her smile. That happy dance is how happy she is, because she just put her last and fourth child into school and is now free to get a job OUT of the house. She is happy for every single day she can come to work and be something other than Mom.

She is past the stage of longing to be home with her little girl who says funny things and grows in the blink of an eye. This is the stage that the girl is in who she gives her lottery money to. This girl plays the lottery in hopes of being able to stay home to enjoy every second of her little girl’s life.

This girl works next to the man who is quietly planning his great escape. The escape to somewhere warmer, sunnier and brighter than his window-less office. Despite the lack of windows, an entire office wall is dedicated to pictures of his family, his home and the vacations they have been on. He rides his bike every warm day at lunch time.

He tells the lady in the back room that uses a magnifying glass to do her intricate work that he loves the fresh air. This lady has worked her whole life. Raised her children, has grandchildren and cares for her elderly siblings. She carries the weight of the world on her small shoulders and worries about her loved ones all day long.

She is a quiet worker, listening to the more boisterous voices of her co-workers. One of those voices belongs to a woman who is nervously and excitedly planning her second wedding to a man she has known since grade school.

The other voice belongs to a woman who loves her pets more than any other possession she has. She didn’t care about the things that were taken when her house was broken into not too long ago; she cared more about whether the kitties or bird were traumatized.

This woman always makes a point to visit the lady with the husky voice every day at break time. The lady with the husky voice comes to work with a positive attitude no matter what her life is dealing her. Her life now, is near perfect, but when she awoke to her very young husband passed away in their bed, life took a turn for the worst. Her positive attitude and incredible demeanor got her through.

Her sometimes crude but hilarious sense of humor cracks the guy up that has known her the longest. He comes to her to solve all of his problems. He is often anxious and runs home at lunch time to wash the dishes, vacuum the floors and straighten up the house. He decorates his work space according to the closest holiday and loves when the girl from the front office compliments how nice it looks.

This girl keeps to herself and dreams of when she will get the good news that she is pregnant. It’s been a year since she was married and she can’t wait to surprise her new husband. She loves that she is the newlywed now and no longer is the guy who works in the office across the hall.

He may not be a newlywed, but he still acts like one and can’t wait to take his wife on his next business trip to Italy. He is planning it all out and although he says he isn’t excited yet, you can feel the energy coming off of him.

He “excitedly” shows pictures of a mountainside villa to the girl who watches all of these people come to work in their various modes of transportation, who carry their lunches in their own special way, who wear the clothes that define them. She longs to write about each of their lives because their eyes tell stories their mouths haven’t shared.

This is where I work.

Dr.'s Office :9 Me: 0

I am always early wherever I go anywhere and being early to the Dr.’s office makes no difference at all, unless a longer wait counts?

I hate paperwork. I get a hand cramp, have horrible handwriting and never remember important #'s when I need to.  Dr.’s offices LOVE paperwork.

I feel like when I am sick, I am weak. My last date of weakness per the nurse was 4 years ago. (I feel like it had only been a year??)

If you leave me alone in a small room with bad wallpaper for a long time, I will fall asleep.

I could sound like I am on my death bed everywhere EXCEPT at the Dr.’s office when I really need to sound and look like death so they understand why I am there.

I pick the farthest pharmacy for no reason other than I love being inconvenienced and I am a moron.

But no worries, in a mere 5 days I should be back to normal. Diagnosis: Bronchitis and Sinus infection and maybe some seasonal allergies just to make things interesting!

I am supposed to be sleeping – the hubby took the kids to a movie so I could do just that. But I just got done crying which does not help the sinus issues all because of this interview:


casey-heynes-a-current-affair-interview-video/

I’m sick again!

I had what, maybe a 1 week reprieve?? I got back to working out, was feeling good and WHAM. It’s like it all came back but maybe worse this time. And I NEVER get sick. I am a healthy person. I have always been proud of my ability to fight off anything. So what is going on?? And NO,  to every single person who has asked, I have NOT gone to the Dr. But, I will say that I am considering it. That’s saying a lot!
Dr.’s and medicine are my last resort. It’s like I’m giving in, admitting weakness. I know!! I feel so much better when I finally do it, but I’m stubborn, what can I say?

So the weekend plans of holding a funeral for all my snowmen and winter décor have been postponed, and I am still surrounded by happy snow stuff. There is always next weekend.
I did manage to get the house cleaned, watched Hereafter, Switched and The Blindside. I took a walk on Saturday when I was still feeling human and discovered that my favorite store is moving and I missed the height of their clearance sale.

Now, with really disheveled hair, watching the last thing on TV I haven’t seen in 24 hours – Supernanny, I am pretending that I’m on the mend and will be feeling GREAT tomorrow, just in time for work.

Maybe it was all that Spring hating I was doing?
 If I have to embrace Spring for the beauty that it is, in order to feel better, I will.

I love Spring! Whoo hoo! Bring it on!

HAPPY??

Time to get out of the Den

I HATE this time of year.
I hate when we go from 32 degrees one day to 62 degrees the next with rain, and 28 degrees on the weekends.
I am not a fan of Spring in any way.

This is a FICTIONAL DIPICTION

This is REALITY

I dislike having to be patient for the trees to get their leaves; I get mad at the flowers for coming out too early and dying in the next cold spell. I hate the mud and the small piles of petrified snow that won’t melt no matter what. I hate that everyone seems to get sick as soon as there is a day of warmth because they think it’s summer, and then spreads their germs all over the place when we are huddled together freezing because BIG SURPRISE it snowed.
I love the snow and winter. I love rainy thunderstorm summer days, I like summer and I love fall but
I HATE SPRING.
In a perfect world it would blizzard one day and the next, it would be 72 degrees and that is IT – SUMMER. (Spring has been annihilated)

But here I am in the thick of it and it’s time to come out of hibernation. I am like a cranky bear and I can totally relate to one having to come out of her den.

I have been huddled in my house all winter long with the kids, enjoying the fact that they were forced to play with me and spend time with me. Now the stupid outdoors will call them away and I will have to pretend I like watching them ride up and down the street. (Which reminds me two of them are due for new bikes and there is no such thing as a fairy bike mother, darn it!)

I am not ready to wear shorts, skirts, heels, short sleeve shirts nor have I purchased anything in this category to get me in the mood. The looming thought of putting on a bathing suit? Well, that’s enough to make me crabby the rest of March.

My skin is pale, dry and not ready to be exposed. It takes me all summer to get a tan so as much as I try to convince myself that pale is the new fake n bake, I know it’s just not.

I need new sunglasses. A week or so ago I bought three fun beach towels to get the kids in the mood for summer (it was still snowing at that time) and I came across a pair of sunglasses that looked good on me so I bought those too. I got home, hid the beach towels and broke out my sexy shades. I got the tags off and worked and worked on getting that one last sticker in the corner of the left lens off. Then I realized I am now OFFICIALLY a dork who HATES Spring.
I bought myself a fine pair of sunglasses with the word POLARIZED in the top corner of the left lens and it’s PERMANENT. Got myself a fine pair of driving only glasses now. Good News, they are Polarized!

So this weekend, my plan is to have a funeral for all my winter/ snowmen/ snow flake décor and get some beachy smelling candles and potpourri.

I will wear shorts while I clean to get my legs used to the exposure.

Maybe I will look up the number to a spray tan place and I will definitely get my toes done.

Maybe I will even find some money in the couch or dryer for fun summer shoes, new sunglasses, bikes for the kids and MAYBE there will be enough left over for that personal trainer to get me in Bikini Shape.

Then when the weekend is coming to a close, you know what will happen? There will be snow in the forecast and I will still HATE Spring.

But I am sure glad it makes every single other person happy-

just shut up about it would you?

Happy Everyone Pretends to be Irish Day!

I might have a little Irish in me.  I can get away with saying I have a lot because of my auburn hair, freckles, pale skin and love for potatoes!  So Happy Everyone is Irish Day!  I'll be celebrating by eating corn beef and potatoes for lunch at work, and trying to find one little bit of green to wear (not a color I wear too often).  I might listen to XM's Irish music channel on the way to work to put me in the spirit....
But that's the extent of it. No pub crawling.  The hubby was a bartender for many years and I really disliked this day back then.  He would have to make green Jell-o shots for days ..........

For lack of anything else these are a few of my favorite things in Green:

Serendipity for Losers

Serendipity denotes the property of making fortunate discoveries while looking for something unrelated, or the occurrence of such a discovery during such a search:


While frantically searching for (with no luck, after realizing TOO LATE that we were out of) toilet paper in the work restroom, I came across a new package of mis-placed legal pads, under the sink.
 (Not recommended for future reference)

Thank goodness I stepped in the cat puke with my bare feet on the way to bed. I not only saved all of the other family members from having this complete grossness happen to them, but I also have squeaky clean floors, well sanitized feet and a whole new love for "indoor shoes".

While doing laundry rather than finding money (that’s just too predictable) I instead discover that my kids really DO like candy and better yet I can pinpoint what kind they like most.
I also have turned my family on to the lovely pastel colors their boring white T-shirts can become and finally, if the washer had not been overloaded it wouldn’t have moved so far from the wall and I would NEVER have found all those stray socks and underwear, not to mention the pound of lint I could make a neat little sweater from.

My kids feel very fortunate to learn the latest swear words from their parents when they were simply asking for the hundredth time what’s for dinner or if they have to take a shower?

After working out consistently for the last week, I am happy to announce that I do have muscles in places I never knew I had.

I have watched shows (meaning WHOLE episodes) with the following titles: Jerseylicious, Toddlers & Tiara’s, My Big Redneck Wedding, and My Super Sweet Sixteen, while waiting for another TV show to start.

I have lost my ability to spell, write in cursive, sense of direction, use of proper punctuation, how much a stamp even costs and patience,  all to the discovery and my fascination with technology.

That’s my Serendipity (and yes, I had to use spell check)