Thursday, March 17, 2011

Time to get out of the Den

I HATE this time of year.
I hate when we go from 32 degrees one day to 62 degrees the next with rain, and 28 degrees on the weekends.
I am not a fan of Spring in any way.


This is a FICTIONAL DIPICTION

This is REALITY

I dislike having to be patient for the trees to get their leaves; I get mad at the flowers for coming out too early and dying in the next cold spell. I hate the mud and the small piles of petrified snow that won’t melt no matter what. I hate that everyone seems to get sick as soon as there is a day of warmth because they think it’s summer, and then spreads their germs all over the place when we are huddled together freezing because BIG SURPRISE it snowed.
I love the snow and winter. I love rainy thunderstorm summer days, I like summer and I love fall but
I HATE SPRING.
In a perfect world it would blizzard one day and the next, it would be 72 degrees and that is IT – SUMMER. (Spring has been annihilated)

But here I am in the thick of it and it’s time to come out of hibernation. I am like a cranky bear and I can totally relate to one having to come out of her den.

I have been huddled in my house all winter long with the kids, enjoying the fact that they were forced to play with me and spend time with me. Now the stupid outdoors will call them away and I will have to pretend I like watching them ride up and down the street. (Which reminds me two of them are due for new bikes and there is no such thing as a fairy bike mother, darn it!)



I am not ready to wear shorts, skirts, heels, short sleeve shirts nor have I purchased anything in this category to get me in the mood. The looming thought of putting on a bathing suit? Well, that’s enough to make me crabby the rest of March.



My skin is pale, dry and not ready to be exposed. It takes me all summer to get a tan so as much as I try to convince myself that pale is the new fake n bake, I know it’s just not.

I need new sunglasses. A week or so ago I bought three fun beach towels to get the kids in the mood for summer (it was still snowing at that time) and I came across a pair of sunglasses that looked good on me so I bought those too. I got home, hid the beach towels and broke out my sexy shades. I got the tags off and worked and worked on getting that one last sticker in the corner of the left lens off. Then I realized I am now OFFICIALLY a dork who HATES Spring.
I bought myself a fine pair of sunglasses with the word POLARIZED in the top corner of the left lens and it’s PERMANENT. Got myself a fine pair of driving only glasses now. Good News, they are Polarized!

So this weekend, my plan is to have a funeral for all my winter/ snowmen/ snow flake décor and get some beachy smelling candles and potpourri.

I will wear shorts while I clean to get my legs used to the exposure.

Maybe I will look up the number to a spray tan place and I will definitely get my toes done.

Maybe I will even find some money in the couch or dryer for fun summer shoes, new sunglasses, bikes for the kids and MAYBE there will be enough left over for that personal trainer to get me in Bikini Shape.

Then when the weekend is coming to a close, you know what will happen? There will be snow in the forecast and I will still HATE Spring.

But I am sure glad it makes every single other person happy-

just shut up about it would you?

7 comments:

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

I hate the wishy-washiness of spring, too. but - in thinking about it - fall is no better. the only two seasons who seem to know their minds is summer and winter. sometimes, they're even confused. summer will think it's fall or spring and winter will pretend it's spring or fall, too. how confusing!

i don't tan either. not even the spray on crap. can't stand to stand in that little cylinder and feel like i can't get out. no.thank.you. when God made me white, He really meant it. who am i to mess with God's work??? LOL!

A Cappelli said...

I am right there with you sista! I am a spring hater. Maybe spring is real somewhere else in the country. But around here it is a myth. We don't get spring. We get Brown- as in dog poop all over my driveway brown, brown where the grass is supposed to be.

Oilfield Trash said...

THat type of weather happens here in Houston all the time. Hence why I am always sick.

Doria said...

I heart summer. Im with you, kinda, the weather is up and down hot then cold, we don't get much snow, but hell the snow seems to come whenever it pleases this year. It better not happen again. BRING ON THE SUMMER!

Kate said...

Oh, my gosh...I was just thinking today that spring is so not what it's cracked up to be! I was SO on the same track as you are...but not so well put together!

I like the spring that's consistently nicer, not the rainy, mucky bipolar weather that swings from snow to shorts weather overnight. I'm with you, sister! (And if you find that bike fairy, please send her my way next. It's the only way I'll get my road bike any time soon)

P.S. It helped that my race partner took a billion pictures and then posted them online in order. And that I've been looking forward to that race since I first heard it was going to happen.

"Miss Bee" said...

Spring in Austin is gorgeous - it really is fields of bluebonnets! Although my allergies are horrible every year from January to March, so there IS that. And I can definitely empathize with ghostly white legs and NOT wanting bathing suit season to be coming around the corner...

I love your idea of holding a funeral for all your winter decor - brilliant!

Cheeseboy said...

Wow. I've never seen such angst against all that is spring. Although, I have to admit, I hate the flux temps too. I'm good with spring in late April, when things have leveled themselves out a bit. But I like spring a whole lot more than winter.

If I can get into bikini shape too, I will be psyched. I have that new bikini just waiting for me.