Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Just for Fun


I found these snowflakes on clearance the other day.  Hubby wasn't a fan of hanging them.  He doesn't understand Vintage......

I would like to get my tree in this kind of style.......


Love the marble counter tops - clearly not mine.  Love the Santa Mugs!


When I get my truck -this is what I will do....

Clearance find too !

Love Vintage, but then this appeals to me just as much!

Love the plaid and green together.
This is a good way to get over the hump.....

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

When Christmas Goes Too Far

Next up: Christmas DEPENDS
Why not....

Maybe if Chocolate was involved....
You name it, they have it.
Not for those with Kids


Don't Try This at Home While Potty Training

Might not sport yellow well.



The only thing I COULDN'T find was cleaning products....... (darn it)
What's YOUR guilty Christmas Pleasure?
(I do have flannel snowman sheets....)

Friday, December 2, 2011

Let's Laugh

I'm useless lately at coming up with witty things to say, so I'll let my friends do it for me:



Then there is this story from my brother:


I'm pretty sure this is what facebook was invented for...
So I'm coming home from a nice dinner with clients on the west side. I'm dropping off one of my principals at Quail Hollow Hotel and I'm suddenly not feeling well at all. I drop him of and get back on 90 and break out in a full sweat. I'm feeling equal pressure on both ends and now I've got the car doing 110 to make my exit. I pull off the exit and have the car in a full slide while I'm trying to get the door open. I stop and open the door only to forget to undo my seatbelt so I try to stop the puking process by putting my hand over my mouth... So I've now sprayed my entire interior with high pressure puke. I get some out the door but I can feel serious pressure coming from my ass so I race home doing 85 down country winding roads with my windshield steering wheel and whole interior covered in puke. I make it home by the grace of God and then for the next 4 hours rid my body of anything that slightly resembles liquid.

Wife of the year, cleans the major chunks and 90% of puke from my car while it's 30F outside! Thanks Lover!!!!!

For Sale 2008 Audi A4 that may take on a whole new dimension when it gets to be 85F :)
 ·  ·  · 8 hours ago · 
  • 2 people like this.
    •  oh no!!!! This post has made my day! F__ing hilarious!!! I hope you are felling better Mike!!! Poor Bri... new boots/handbag & jewelry or something for her!
      7 hours ago ·  ·  2
    • LMAO !
      7 hours ago · 
    •  thanks for sharing
      7 hours ago · 
    •  that's awesome
      7 hours ago · 
    •  This is exactly what FB is for...and to let everyone know that Nick prefers men.
      6 hours ago ·  ·  2
    •  holy shit mike, i hope it wasn't the deer meat! feel better
      2 hours ago · 
    • The only thing grosser than vomit? Someone else's vomit.

      Emily, i love the way you think. Nick, you could make a little money on this deal. It was pretty bad.
      Jud, it was the exact opposite of awesome.
      Michael, I love you (obviously) and am glad you're better.
      28 minutes ago · 
    •  These are my favorite kind of posts. Bri, at least it wasn't the other end you were cleaning up after.... ;)
      19 minutes ago · 
    •  That would have been easier!!!
      Wouldn't have made it onto the windshield, air vents and every frickin knob on the dashboard...
      13 minutes ago · 
    •  well.... you never know,,,, you have heard the Rowellsl use the term Ballistic before, right?

and Finally -
I had 4 minor heart attacks on the way home from work:

Driving, pitch black, Police light suddenly directly behind me.  I think, CRAP, there goes the rest of the Christmas money.  Pull over, and police car races past me.  WHEW.  Heart Attack 1.

Driving, pitch black, DEER RUNS DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF MY CAR, slam on breaks, his buddy runs directly in front of the car behind me.  (They probably had a heart attack too)

Get to my town square, pitch black out, CAT RUNS IN FRONT OF MY CAR.

Get into the house, MY cat has gotten into the Christmas Tree. Branches, Ornaments, Lights all over the place.

So Laugh, because it is all you can really do....
Have a great weekend.



Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Say my NAME!

Does anyone else have this problem?  Listen to this song....


My hubby never says my name.

OK, to be fair, he might say my name once or twice a month, but somehow I always seem to miss it.  It's kind of like seeing a rainbow or shooting star - "Where, where, I didn't SEE it!!"

This is something I have noticed over the years.  I often wonder things like:
Did he forget my name?
Does he have a girl friend and he doesn't want to confuse our names so he just doesn't ever say mine?
Does he not like my name?
Maybe he calls me something else inside his head?  (besides the derogatory on most days) maybe I am more like a Jewel or Stella or Jennifer to him.
Is Kristen a hard name to say?

I always picture us as an old couple rocking away on the front porch one day (some day FAR FAR FAR into the future) and I wonder what he will refer to me as.  Old Lady? 





My co-worker and I have a little skit we often play out when we are having a stressful moment.  It's based on a story she told me about her deceased husband's parents.  It goes like this:
"BOB! (said BOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBBBB in a sweet twang)"
"Bob, come heeerrreeee" (sing-song-y twang)
"Aw Hell Lil, whatdoyawant?" (Twang, not so much sing song-y)
"Bob!"
and she wanted him to come and open a jar of pickles or something else equally trivial.  Of course he was always just about to sit down to watch Jeopardy, read the paper, or have a moment to himself in the bathroom, but good ole Bob came hobbling over every damn time he heard his name.

My own grandparents were famous for this act -
"RAYMEEEEEEE......." "Get the TV trays from the basement would you?"
and Ray would argue (practically tackle) with you about getting them himself.  Years later I discovered he wanted to get the TV trays because he could sneak a quick swig and take drag before making the hike back up the basement stairs with 6 TV trays while  his name was being called - "Raymeeee, where are you?"

Now my parents, well they call each other all kinds of names.  My Mom's name is Georgia Diane.  My Dad is William or Bill.  They call each other George and Charlie.

My brother's call me Kristy-Sue. My middle name is not Sue.  The full name is:
 Kristy-Sue you smell like poo and no one is ever going to marry you. ( I told THEM..... no one is ever going to marry you and say your name!)

My Mom calls me Krissy.  I especially loved this name being called from across the mall.

I had a boss who called me Red.

I have a customer who insists on calling me Kristie Brinkley because he likes to dream that I look like her.  He once asked me to call him Billy. FOR REAL.

My hubby, he just doesn't ever really call me - and not by my name.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Thankfully I have three.....


Got into a fight with not one, but two vacuums on Thanksgiving morning.  Thought I would do myself and the family a favor by vacuuming a little before leaving for the Great Turkey Day festivities at my brother's house.  The first vacuum (Circa 2000) proceeded to blow everything I was picking up right back out for about a half hour before I noticed.

After I threw that one out of the house (literally) the second vacuum (Circa 1996) stopped sucking 5 minutes in.  When I investigated, I proceeded to get a face full of dust when the bag exploded.  It's disgusting guts were everywhere. I cried.  Seriously.  Cried.  It was that disgusting and frustrating.

My son watched.  He was attempting to ask me if it was OK if he wore his Asking Alexandria t-shirt to Thanksgiving.  It is supposed to be a volcano on the shirt, but it looks like blood and vomit and while crying I tried to explain that it wasn't really an appropriate selection while using our third and last vacuum (Thankfully Circa October 2011) to clean up the mess.  I am pretty sure he got the point LOUD and clear.

Thankfully he suggested another concert t-shirt.  It had a nice picture of a wolf on it with red devil eyes.

Thinking the worst of the day was over, I would take a shower and come out in a festive mood no matter what.  I was super close to feeling normal and committed to positively thinking that I was going to look good this Thanksgiving.

My daughter heard my sharp intake of breath from the other side of the bathroom door and was asking me if I was OK.  At that moment I was holding my eyelid open with one hand and peeling my contact doused in cleaner off my eyeball with the other while trying not to curl up and die from pain.



While rinsing my eye in water for next half hour I asked myself this question:  WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS TODAY?

The swollen red eye I wore to Thanksgiving was a reminder of how thankful I was that the morning was now over.

The rest of the weekend was much better.

The Christmas tree is decorated.  (Circa 1995) The branches on the tree over time point down and the lights and ornaments are already sliding south.  By Christmas Eve when all our guests arrive, we will have a pile of lights and ornaments under the tree.

I purchased all of the exchange gifts  we need.  This is because I woke up Friday morning in a panic about what I was going to get three out of five of them and the hubby knew he wanted to sleep normally for the next four weeks.

The good news is that thankfully (Circa July 2011) I have all the Christmas presents I could have asked for.  Our new to us house.  For that and for my family here and everywhere, I am thankful!

Hope you enjoyed your weekend and enjoy your Holiday season even if you accidentally put cleaner in your eye at the most inconvenient times.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

While I was Out....



I wasn't writing that is for sure.
I was buried under mounds of work at work.
I wasn't on vacation.
I was decorating for Christmas at home -Yes, really this early  (we have company coming)
I wasn't sick, injured or indisposed.
I was sick and tired, had a few minor decorating mishaps and still found no time to be indisposed.

But I am back with a little glimpse into my night:

We decided to put the Christmas trees up.  This is a feat in itself.  New house to us, old house that wasn't meant for big Christmas trees.

The cats sat in the corner watching and daydreaming about the fact that we all leave the house during the day so that gives them plenty of time for tree climbing.
The hubby concocted a plan to keep them out - if it works I'll let you in on the secret - it might make us a million.

I am a bit of a control freak.  About pretty much everything.
So our tradition is for the kids to hand me the ornaments (they have names for each and every one of them - not always appropriate but humorous nonetheless) and I put them on.  Normally they wander off half-way through leaving me trying to fill in the gaps.

But this year I was given the pleasure of trimming the tree while they (my two youngest GIRLS) took turns farting.  Yep farting.
Toot.  Giggle.  Rolling on the floor laughing.  Swearing from me.  Threatening to throttle them.   More laughing. More threats. More farts.

I think their grippers are shot.
We had a little Christmas Farty.  Bad language, threats and all.
Then they proceeded to pull their pants up to their chests and walk around pretending to be hillbilly's.  My next favorite thing.  My kids are really threatened by me.

But hey - tis the season for farting, and hillbilly fun.

While I was out I also celebrated this guy's Birthday:




And enjoyed my new favorite vintage thing:



and did a little of this and that:






Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Say Cheese!



I take the WORST pictures. SERIOUSLY the WORST.

I don’t mean me as the photographer, although I kind of suck at that too. I mean me as the subject. I am surprised I have not broken a few cameras. (Still talking about me as the subject.)

I look like I weigh at least 50lbs more than I really do. The skin under my chin must love when the camera comes out because it takes a better picture than I do. My eyes are always half shut, my hair looks 5x bigger than it is and my boobs look like torpedo’s.



I took a picture with my girls the other day and my daughter’s head comes up to my chest. In the picture, she looked like she had a large growth coming out of her face that was actually my boob.

Speaking of boobs – my bra SHINES right through my shirts in pictures. EVERY TIME.

In the last 5 years, I have approximately 5 pictures of myself and they are ALL AWFUL.

If someone TAGS me in a picture on Facebook, I am HORRIFIED (they really should not be allowed to do that without your permission) especially if it was a few days ago and I didn't have time to delete it.  My friends on the other hand are all super models.  Yes, even the guys.... (no wonder they were friends with me - I made them look better!)

It is really depressing to think you look one way (I DO look in the mirror) and then on paper or screen you look 10x bigger and more horrible than you could ever imagine.

What is even worse, the ONE picture I do not mind is my Drivers License picture. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? Who takes a good DMV photo?? People who take BAD PICTURES, that's who.
It’s going to expire next year. Do you think they would let me keep it??

If you do EVER see a picture of me, it’s because it is the best I’ve got. But please remember, it’s at least 3x worse than I look in person.

Yes, I am blaming this all on my ability to TAKE A PICTURE, otherwise, I will be VERY depressed.