Friday, December 10, 2010

8 Maids a Milking are not Big Breasted House Cleaners

Dear True Love – (Your letter 8 of 12)


The ONLY positive thing about this delivery is that my little Turkish delivery guy is back in my good graces. In fact he gave me the $20 back AND a gift – it was a pest trap, but it had a nice red bow on it.

I told you, I AM NOT HAVING YOUR CHILDREN, based on the size of these women's breasts, THEY ALREADY DID. WHAT KIND OF PERSON ARE YOU?
Thankfully my former career as a recruiter came in handy and they are now working at the local daycare center because you know how working Moms are........ (This coming from one working mom who has been cursed for not being a milking maid)

I just don’t get you. AT ALL. I don’t get this gift either.
Your note said:
Dear Love – I give to Thee 8 Maids a Milking.



But they don’t clean?? I could have handed them a portable breast pump each if they did housework, but no, they are I guess true maids – is that your way of saying single ladies?? I hear these women formed a local chapter of La Leche Ladies and they have gone to the local hospital pushing their breast feeding efforts on poor tired new Mom’s who are too weak to just tell them NO.
I really am hated in the community now. Zombie-like women are banging down my door for sic-ing attractive women on them encouraging them to supply their children with the natural choice. Which is fine in theory, but the last thing a new mom needs is a buxom lady barging in her hospital room playing with her breasts while her sex-deprived hubby looks on. (Been there, done that – thankfully my La Leche lady was manly looking).

I’m at my wits end with you. I just don’t understand.

My breasts and I never were and remain no longer yours –

-K

4 comments:

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

thanks!

Kelley said...

Ha! I never thought about the eights maids a milkin' their own boobs! I had always envisioned them milking cows but you have changed all of that for me...forever. Ha!

Anonymous said...

I hadn't noticed imfineu.blogspot.com before in my searches!
I found this article bookmarked and I really liked what I read. will surely bookmark it as well and also go through your other posts later.

Marla said...

Bwahahahahaha


Ok, going to bed. I'll be back tomorrow to finish the saga. :-)