Thursday, December 2, 2010

One in the Hand AND Two in the Bush

Dear True Love –

This is letter 2 of 12. I hope you have read the first letter  and learned a little more about women and gift giving. I would now like to address the second gift of twelve that you sent to me via courier service. I was a little alarmed to say the least to find yet again a bird, not to mention two of them.

First of all, I had no idea what these birds were, but thankfully the delivery guy was Turkish and identified them for me. Turtle Doves. REALLY? Was it not enough to just send regular doves, you had to find the rare Turtle ones? Is that supposed to reference something? That maybe my love will slowly grow for you? It hasn’t and it won’t.

Secondly, they REALLY like each other. TOO MUCH. I imagine you were hoping they would encourage me to be more affectionate towards you. Sorry that didn’t work out for you.

I will admit the bird cage they came in is very decorative and after the birds were let loose, I have found many uses for it.

Unfortunately, you didn’t account for the weather where I live. In December it is rarely above 35 degrees, so now whenever I look out my window I see three birds huddled around looking for warmth. None of them wanted anything to do with me, so I was left with no choice but to release them, and the animal shelter in my town won’t accept them. I am hoping that my neighbors do not start complaining about rare birds hanging around. Even worse, you failed to remember that I live in SMALL TOWN USA, where men especially this time of year are running about with guns as it is hunting season and these birds look out of the ordinary so that puts them under the GAMING category. I really do not want their lives hanging over my head.

While I am writing to you, I have another topic I want to bring up. Last night I went to the Christmas concert at school for my youngest. One of the Mom’s who I have conversed with a few times and our daughters have gotten together, and I know of no issues between us because as a general rule I keep away from controversary at all costs, gave me the complete cold shoulder when I said Hello to her. Wouldn’t even say hello to me, actually stared right through me like she didn’t even know who I was. You know how sensitive I am, right? Well, this has and will continue to bother me for oh, about 3 months. Now I know what you meant when you didn’t understand why I was treating you so badly, I get how you felt now. However, in light of your ridiciculous gift giving in order to win me back, I am still…….

No longer Your’s –


PS- 10 more letters are on the way. You are not off the hook yet, buddy.


Kate said...

I think maybe she was just too distracted by the feathers in your hair Is that...could it be...yes...I think it is...aturtle dove feather? And in this area! How curious...

I recently went through something similar, except I knew why she was mad at me. Didn't appreciate one of my opinions. I just pretended I didn't notice that she was ignoring me for a couple days til she gave up/ forgot she was mad / surrendered to the force of my sparkling personality. Denial works for me. :)

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

this is awesome! it's like a "serial story" and i can't wait until the next chapter.

Doria said...

I'm loving these letters! Awesome post, can't wait for the next one, so funny!

Kimmie said...

First.....birds creep me out...there are more coming, aren't there? Ick.

Second....what is up with "school moms"?

Marla said...

I bet that mom heard about all those birds you got as gifts and she was so overcome with jealousy, well, she simply could not even look at you.