Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Angry Birds -the letter, not the app.

Dear True Love – (Your letter 6 of 12)

Well I sure didn’t have to miss my little Turkish delivery man for long did I?? He really had to struggle with the boxed delivery this time. He actually asked ME for a tip, so now you owe me $10!!
Not to mention the Urgent Care bill which I have enclosed.
Have you ever been around a Mother goose, not to mention 6 OF THEM???? They are by far the most unfriendly creatures of them all and much worse than three measly hens.

What on earth possessed you to send me 6 geese that all laid eggs by the time I opened the box and let’s just say they were PO’d and attacked me while I struggled to free them from the box, sort the eggs out, and gather straw for their nests.

Your card read:
To my love, I give to thee six Geese a Laying.
First of all, where did you find Geese that are laying RIGHT NOW? They have to be confused as their families have been flying north for weeks now. I just do not get it. Just so you know, I am NOT having your children if that is what you meant by this latest delivery.

Of course they are in the yard, with the partridge who tried to finagle his way into their fold only to be hissed and honked at. The doves have now gotten the idea of what to do with all of their loving, so I imagine a little nest making will be in order soon for them. The hens, well their eggs come up missing by morning so they are a bit confused and let’s just say hormonal. I had to draw a line in the snow to keep the geese from the hens. They are clearly from opposite sides of the tracks if you know what I mean. The black birds have been circling from above really annoying the geese and well let’s just say it is LOUD with all the cawing, honking, chirping, and gun shots heard throughout the neighborhood. Not to mention the amount of poop. Thank goodness we are covered in snow right now, although goose poop is horrifyingly close to human poop on vitamins.

I’d like to take my pooper scooper and shove it, well, use your imagination….

Please do not let this be another trend of yours. I can’t handle any more birds. If tomorrow I receive 7 of anything with wings I will hop in the van with the Turkish delivery man and some of his friends and deliver something to you alright.

No longer Yours, THANK GOD!!


PS-We currently have 3 feet of snow and are working on 4. It is a complete white-out as I write this. I'd love to take a picture to show you, but SOMEONE mis-placed it.  When I dig out of this I do NOT want to see a delivery service in the ditch at the end of my driveway! mmmKay?

This is what my drive home from work looked like


Doria said...

laughing out loud, I love this one!

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

hahaha! i was looking forward to this. can't wait to continue the saga.

Cheeseboy said...

The amount of poop seems to be an ongoing theme here.

I am loving this series. Too funny.

Kate said...

I'm thinking...omelets, quiche, deviled could open your own egg-centered restaurant. Until the health dept closes you down bc of all the poo, anyway.

I'm jealous of your snow. All we've gotten is a few flurries.

Elliott said...

As to your postscript...

I found myself shoveling my driveway yet again, for the 79th time since Sunday, and thinking those pioneers had it easy. No shoveling, they just had to stay snowbound in their cabin until insanity took hold and they slaughtered their family. That's far less work than shoveling, because once you slaughter your family, you don't have to worry that all your work will be undone and you'll have to slaughter them again in six hours.

And generally, you don't get a hernia from the latter.

(Northeast Ohio is not being kind to me this month. Can you tell?)

Kimmie said...

Goose poop is a horrible nuisance. There's a lot of it where we golf....boy, is that fun!

Lovely weather pic, too! Wonder if that's what's coming to us? Blech!

Marla said...

We have pet geese. Send em here.

BTW....send snow also, please.