Monday, January 24, 2011

You have entered The Ugly Zone.

It’s COLD-

HOW cold is it? Well based on my co-workers description, they know some Witches, PERSONALLY. Apparently these witches haven’t invested in a Vickie’s Secret padded bra- for extra warmth.
(Until today I had never heard of cold described in this way before and if you have no clue what I am talking about right now, then you haven’t either.  But from what I hear, Witches are COLD in the upper regions)

It’s always around this time of year, I look in the mirror and wonder who took my outer shell and replaced it with this crappy dull version?

My lips are dry and no matter how many times I apply my lipstick, it will not stay on.
But where is it going??

My hands are cracking and are as rough as sandpaper. I actually scratched my daughter with the skin on my hand! But my steering wheel smells lovely and has several coats of lotion on it.

My hair is doing its own thing every day. I no longer have control.
I have tons of hair so this is not a good thing. AT ALL.
One side is feeling kinky, the other is feeling dull and flat. The back is dry and frizzy and the top has completely given up.

My eyes, which usually are as blue as the sky (well the sky somewhere, not near where I live) have turned grey – like the sky.

My skin color can be described as eggshell and actually has that texture too.

I haven’t worn anything exciting since Christmas and I’m constantly covered up from neck to toe in something denim, heavy cotton and or flannel.

The thought of trying on clothes is frightening – especially when you try on a skirt and you see lovely sock marks.

I’m worried my feet will get too comfortable and never want to wear high heels again!

I have extra padding from double layers and of course the joys of comfort food.

(Our heating bill was little high, so we turned down the heat – now we just get into the scalding shower then take off our clothes)

Working out is the equivalent of taking off all your clothes and jumping into the Artic Sea at my house. So not a lot of motivation there…

Not only is MY outer shell in the Ugly Zone but my car that was once a dark grey is now a salty white and cinder black. (Yes, it’s so cold salt no longer works on the roads – Black Cinder time!)

My shoes and the bottom of my pants are salt stained.

Our garage is a salty, dirty snow mess.

The kid’s boots are piled inside the door or else they would be frozen in the garage,  and I hate having shoes in the house.

I haven’t been on my front porch in months. I can't even SEE my front porch!

The back door to our house makes a horrible noise when you open or close it from the weight of the snow on the roof.

It’s not just me and the house either -

We are now known as the pasty family – our teeth no longer look white nor do our eyes – because our skin is now the same color from lack of sunlight.

The curls on the girl’s hair have gone on vacation, and I’m at the point of wanting to cut all their hair off. However, having done this in years past, I learned my lesson. This ugly season will soon pass; I just have to get through the next THREE months is all.

This is just the worse looking time of year ever. I want to bury myself under my flannel snowman sheets and stay in my jammies all day, because my jammies at least flatter me for some reason. My butt no longer looks cute in my jeans like I thought it did in the fall.

Even the happy snowmen in the house are starting to freak me out.

The dust I can’t see at night, mocks me on the weekends.

The windows are constantly wet with condensation and therefore dirty looking.

The rugs by the doors are getting dirty and the cats are molting.

It’s ugly season here.

What makes you feel ugly this time of year? (come on, it will make ME feel better!)


Cheeseboy said...

My padded bra provides very little warmth, but ultra comfort.

Funny post. It sounds like you live here in Utah.

Doria said...

The dry skin/scalp. Static! Ugh... The floors always seem dirty the cats still in heat and my hair NEVER does what I want it to do! Grumbles.. I hope this season ends SOON! haha

Anonymous said...

Ok I will make you feel better. My hair which is like yours but with these wild greys looks a little like Einstein or Mark Twain. Brownie and Joe (the dogs) leave clumps of brown and white hair on the floor and Toby (dog too) looks like Pig Pen with a trail of strings of hair behind him in puffs every where he walks. There are 4 dogs x 4 paw prints all over my floors unless I capture them and wipe each paw before they come in from the muddy back yard. Where your beautiful skin is eggshell mine is a cross between old wrinkled crepe paper and pale white brown spotted ick. I need sun and flowers and warmth. I too have turned down my heat so I come home and put on tee shirt sweat shirt sweat pants socks and slippers (when I can find them in rosie's hiding places). You are not alone in your misery and most of all we need CAKE!!!

The Schweitzers said...

I hear you on ALL counts! Except my straight flat hair either sticks to my head or has a static attack and zaps everyone within 2 ft of me. If you want to know how much I hate winter, please give my blog entry "Snow is a 4 Letter Word" a quick look through. :-)

Kimmie said...

Cold. So very very cold. It seems like no matter how many layers I have on I'm cold.

Cold when it's time to go to bed so I leave the long sleeves, long pj pants, and socks the middle of the night, I get too warm and have to strip to shorts and short sleeves. It's hard to get all those long pjs back on when the alarm goes off and I realize that "OMG....It's soooooo cold!!!!!"

Diplo_Daddy said...

Yep, I remember my days of living in Canada. Want to really know the cold, visit that place in the dead of winter.

Kate said...

My gray roots. Ugh. My unpleasant personality (my family chimes in with a resounding UGH!!)...I can tell I haven't run since last Wednesday since my facebook posts have grown more and more negative...I can't even make myself sound attractice online. No matter how cold it is (outside, bc we had that same utility bill-induced chill happen in our house), I'm running again tomorrow morning!

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

i call it a "titches witty" when referring to the cold...

dry skin
split fingers (on the tip and by the nail)
straight, flat, staticy hair
sinus sh** - no matter what the weather, I'm allergic to something and always got a tissue or needing a tissue.

Marla said...

I know exactly what you mean. There is something so blah about the first three months of the year. Everything is damp and dank and messy. It's impossible to clean or keep things clean. Even the barn is yucky.

No worries. Spring is on the way. I promise.