Sunday, November 21, 2010

Did. Done. Don't Plan to Do Again or EVER.

I accomplished everything on the list of things I planned to do this weekend, and I didn't even have to wait until Monday night. Out of that plan, I realized some things that I don't plan to do EVER or again.

EVER. - I am nothing like a woman who works at a nature center.  There is nothing wrong with this occupation or desire to spend all of your time immersed in nature. However, it's not on my bucket list or anywhere near it.  For one thing, I prefer a little color in my wardrobe, or at least some black rather than khakis. Also, even though the hubby colors my hair and I couldn't tell you what brand of makeup I wear, I still enjoy both, more than donning a head warmer and wearing binoculars around my neck.  But more importantly, I just do not have the patience to lead a group of Brownies, their inappropriately dressed for a-nature-hike-parents and younger annoying siblings around, as though it was the highlight of my week.
"WOW - just look at that bird's nest through your 'noculars -doesn't it just take your breath away?"
  "Now, for a little taste testing of Suet, follow me!!!"

AGAIN. - Unfortunately, as much as I love seeing a movie when it first comes out, I WILL NEVER GO TO THE MOVIES AGAIN.  Or at least not anytime soon.  We went to see Harry Potter.  The first mistake was assuming it would be crowded more than an hour before it started. I had us all there so early that we had to kill time at the dreaded DOLLAR STORE next door. I won't go to the Dollar Store again, either.  There was actually a lady in there with her pajama pants on AND pink fuzzy slippers and I am not kidding. There was one cashier and a line to the back of the store and because we had time to kill and they had those big foil serving trays that we need for the mashed potatoes for 33 people we are making for Thanksgiving at my brother's, we were in line.  The hubby had to test out the toy air horns which made waiting in line so much more exciting, then of course the three OTHER kids with me followed suit.  The elderly gentleman in front of us seemed very appreciative. 

After that fun experience was over, my real nightmare began at the theatre.  I had the pleasure of sitting between the following:  In front, was a family of three that apparently didn't believe in hair washing.  Dad kindly removed his hat when he sat down but I REALLY would have rather he kept it on.  The entire movie, dirty hair smell would waft up to me until I was nauseous. 
Behind us, was an over-enthusiastic Harry Potter fan.  I like Harry and all, but I am not tempted to: moan, cry in dismay, chant or whisper- "Oh Harry, watch, out, Harry, don't do it!!", or repeat lines.  In-between all of that the enthusiastic fan would enthusiastically eat popcorn and chew with an open mouth, while kicking the back of my daughter's chair so hard she had to sit at the very front of her seat with her face oh so dangerously close to dirty hair family. 
By the way, I was so focused on dirty hair Dad and dirty hair son, who kept insisting on touching their hair and Mom, who in-between touching hers, also bit her nails, that I guarantee I could go back to the movie theatre and see Harry Potter as though it was my first time seeing it.
AGAIN. Mark my words. I will not EVER AGAIN get the kids a pet or two. (need I say more?)

AGAIN.  - I won't make the following promise:  I plan to not use any foul language, swear, slam the doors or cupboards, stomp my feet, sigh really loudly, roll my eyes, throw a temper tantrum and only use my nice words. AGAIN.  Because, it is just not possible over a period of three days, and I don't like to break my promises.

How was YOUR weekend?


Kate said...

I still remember my oldest son's sixth grade field trip to go through a basically involved squeezing through narrow spots underground while wading in hip deep water in the dark. I had a blast, but I still have to laugh at some of the clothes parents wore.

Speaking of clothes, I got the cutest pajama pants and fuzzy slippers. They're so comfortable that I wear them everywhere. Even to the dollar store this weekend! Ahhhh.

Saturday, we had a glorious family hike. Close to the perfect day. Today, I spent 8 hours inside a gigantic gym, watching my kid not play volleyball. Ugh. I want my Sunday back!

Doria said...

hahahaah.. I love this post, best one Ive read yet! Loved it!

Reckmonster said...

Oh, but you are SUCH a way COOLER mom than me bc I refuse to even go to the theater anymore - bc of other freaky people and bc I always have to pee in the middle of a movie and they won't "pause" the movie for me. I don't even remember the last movie I went to - but I would totally have been preoccupied by "dirty hair family" I wouldn't have paid attention to the movie!!!

Marla said...

Just reading about the dirty hair family made me feel sick. How gross!

Ok, I just read what I wrote. I sound quite high and mighty. Too bad. Wash your hair people!