Tuesday, November 30, 2010

If you have a Dickie, you might not like me....

Can you see the outline of is Dickie??
Whose bright idea was the Dickie? And, have you ever worn one? I knew they existed, never wore one, but I fell off the couch laughing when after the 20th time watching National Lampoons Christmas Vacation, I just now noticed that Cousin Eddy is wearing a BLACK Dickie under his cream colored v-neck sweater. CLASSIC!

While we are on THAT topic, what about other FALSE/FAKE-OUT fashion failures?

We have the Shoulder Pads – I remember in high school and even college when I couldn’t imagine a time when I would not wear shoulder pads. I even had False ones that I had cut out of some jacket that I would place under my bra straps to hold into place to wear under any shirt that dare not come with shoulder pads. I DO have tiny shoulders – maybe I should have used those IN my bra instead? (Kind of like the chicken cutlets, don’tcha think?)

If only I knew they made the kind that stick on like band-aides!

Toupee’s – Need I say more?

Did you ever manually distress your jeans hours before leaving the house? It never worked for me. I actually had a pair of jeans in college that I loved to wear. They were normal on top until just below the crotch (sorry, hate that word but best way to describe them) area, and then they were very stonewashed, bleached out the rest of the way down. This look really accentuated my already bubbly butt. Now I know why I had so much attention in college….

Pegged Pants. At some point as a young society we decided that pants were not slim enough around our ankles so we pegged them. This was a tricky technique, similar to the ability of tying a shoe, that was very important to learn, but once you had it down even with the thickest pair of jeans, you looked
AMAZING-ly like an ASS.

Stirrup Pants. The only time I like the word Stirrup is around a horse. No women should EVER have worn pants with built in stirrups. I rocked this look with cream colored socks and slip on flats. Thankfully I am short, so the pants didn’t pull off of me as I walked. This was really a serious I’m an ASS look.

A Stirrup Pants Business Suit-Even Better!

Which goes right along with Fake Riding pants. Sometimes you got stirrup pants with fake riding patches on the inner thigh all in one. Most of us sporting this look didn’t have a horse, own riding boots or carry a crop and just ended up looking like a rodeo clown instead. Matched with a plaid jacket w/ elbow patches and a turtleneck (preferably real) and you had quite the look. (not that I owned ANY of that)

Fake Bake – I loved my time in a tanning booth and quite honestly would still get in one if you gave me some extra money and guaranteed no skin cancer. But I don’t have the kind of skin that tans well so I just had a nice red freckly glow. What on earth were we and some of us still are thinking?? Not only did we look orange but we smelled like dead skin – VERY attractive!

The Fake Dancer Look– You know, ballet flats, leg warmers, leotards and jeans, ripped pants with tights underneath, flowy scarves. Great look, but who were we kidding. We were no less Julliard dancers than my bull-riding Uncle. I had a burgundy gathered neck leotard, burgundy leg warmers, pink tights and a wrap skirt that I thought made me look like I was going home to the likes of Mikhail Baryshnikov every night, but alas, I was a nothing but a FAKE , going home to clean out the cat box and watch General Hospital instead.

Yes, I owned the following:

A red zipper jacket with major shoulder pads covered in hundreds of metal pins.

Low Crotch Genie pants that flared out on the sides but -WAIT FOR IT -
BUTTONED together in the middle in yes, the crotch area.
High Top Reeboks (I only had white ones, but there were plenty of red and royal blue ones where I come from)

I bet those are stirrup pants!

Swatch Watches to match EVERY outfit!

LOOK at the HAIR –

I am third girl from left whose shoulders are not fitting because of the PADS!

How were your fake fashion failures?


BeckEye said...

It actually took me a long time to get used to clothes without shoulder pads. Ridiculous.

I have a recurring feature now about my Not-So-Excellent Adventures in Fashion. I think I should have a lot of material for that.

Doria said...

hahahahahaha... Everything you just picked on, was/is absolutely awful. *barf* Love the pic and not fitting because of them shoulder pads!

Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

LOL! I loved my stirrup pants with a long sweater! hahaha! I worked at a college and they finally put out a dress code that said we couldn't wear stirrup pants because they were too clingy and "girls" were wearing tops that barely covered the top, so they were very figure revealing. Not too good at a Quaker college.

Kate said...

Love that class picture! I had sooo many unfortunate fashion choices as I grew up...and you hit many of them. Thanks for a laugh!

Kimmie said...

Good lord...we soooo were in high school at the same time.....

OK....had the stirrup pants. I had LA Gear high tops....white with pink and mint green and at least 2 pairs of laces.

In middle school, it was the pin stripe denim pegged jeans. LOL

Marla said...

I refuse to admit ever wearing any of these atrocities and the photos of me in them are all lies.