Friday, August 20, 2010

Getting Ready

Today I was reminded of one of those crazy things that-has-happened-to-me that I forget about. 
While driving to work, on a nice country road, listening to Cosmo Radio, drinking coffee from my travel mug, I saw a young Buck (male deer, antlers just starting to get bigger - just in case your mind is in the gutter) running across the field straight at my car.

When I was little I would have this re-curring dream where I was either in my home and there were wild animals surrounding the house (like lions, tigers, bears) OR the one where I am in my Mom's red Camaro - my older brother is in the passenger seat and I am in the back seat. We are on our road (which was in REALITY in the middle of no-where, dirt, no such thing as street lights, out in the boonies kind of road) and a large Buck in standing in front of our car.  My Mom is doing what she would really do and saying- "Oh, look at the pretty Deer", when he proceeds to jump onto the car, on the roof and jumps up and down until he is coming through the roof and at this point I wake up to all of us screaming.  The Deer was like an evil Deer possessed. Needless to say, I strongly dislike Deer. Always have and now, always will.

Up until about 2 years ago, Deer didn't effect me much, if someone ever said, "Oh, look at the pretty Deer", I'd just change the subject and say - "Oh Look over there at that heap of roadkill - what do you think it is??"
It's about 5:45am, pitch black dark on an early November morning, I'm pretty much the only car on the road for most of the drive, listening to the radio, drinking my coffee, one hand at 6pm, in the left lane because I've just passed an on-ramp and a pick up truck is entering the highway, when I notice that the Semi behind me has moved into the left lane as well.  
I somehow see it.
A Deer has come from the opposite side of the highway pretty far ahead of me, has crossed my lane, and is entering the right hand lane in front of the pick-up truck.  I think to myself the following:
"I'm so glad I'm not that guy- he's gonna get hit"
(see, we don't HIT Deer here, they hit US) 
Sure enough the Deer hits his front end and flies up in the air

(sorry animal lovers - you might want to scroll down a little further)

and the Deer does not fly off to the right - the direction that he is moving in, instead, he flies off to the left - STRAIGHT TOWARDS ME. 
In this moment, which was probably 2 full seconds, I thought:

CRAP  this Donkey of a Deer is coming towards ME now.
The Pickup truck has some damage and is slowing down- hmm, wonder if they have a smashed up windshield?
I have a Semi Truck coming up on my butt FAST.
It's pitch black, the Semi Truck driver probably cannot see the situation happening in front of me
Surely, the Deer will land on the ground BEFORE my front end hits him and I am in a Van , and surely I will be able to aim for him to go right between my tires and under my car without having to slam on the breaks and having a Semi truck in my backseat.

(commercial break -I drive a Honda Odyssey - it makes me feel like I am riding higher than I would in a car, kind of like an SUV - unfortunately, it's probably as low as any other car if not lower)

At this point the Deer DOES land in front of my car as I am travelling about 60mph (having taken my foot off the gas about 2 seconds ago)
I aim for him to go between my tires and me to drive right over him.
As I attempt this, he BEGINS TO STAND UP
and as I proceed to hit and run him over smack in the center he looks me RIGHT IN THE EYE - kind of like a little puppet show- just for me.
I'm going fast, and this part is DISGUSTING, I hear and feel all kinds of CRAZY things for what seems like 15 minutes.  Did I just hear GLASS BREAKING??

What feels like many minutes and I am sure is about a half second later, I am still driving, foot on gas pedal, Pick Up truck on right is now passing me with both people staring at me and my car with shocked expressions and I can only imagine what my face looks like as I stare at them and watch them drive past.

I am now moving into the right lane, Semi Truck is passing me, and now I am the ONLY ONE ON THE ROAD in the PITCH BLACK (again, even our highways have no lights).
I keep driving.
I can't stop driving.
I'm entering the city in which I work
there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with the car
 I'm close to work
WOW, my leg is REALLY shaking!
I'm shivering.
It's a shock, I'm in shock - Don't  people get cold when they are in shock? 
Wow it's REALLY cold, I can see my breath
I'm turning the heat up, there is nothing coming out of the vents.
What is that smell? It smells like caramel popcorn.....

I get to work. I get out of the car. I let myself in the building (still pitch black and I'm the first one there as usual)  I sit in a chair waiting for someone to arrive.
Kevin, my co-worker gets there first and sees me just sitting there with my coat on. He says " Hey, what's up with you? Cold or something?" 
I tell him what happened and he goes timidly out to check the damage as I slowly creep behind him, towards the car - its now getting light enough to see and my car is COVERED in hair. I can't look at the front.
Kevin  turns toward me a little white and rapidly walking back into the office and says,  "How'd you get here, again"?  He could not believe I kept on driving.
I called my husband, he called a tow truck, they immediately left, and came back with the flatbed, my husband now at my place of work, all my co-workers having heard the story, are watching out the windows and the Van gets driven away while the driver and my husband are just shaking there heads....

So this morning, I casually drive as this young Buck is running through the field at my car, I know my timing is fine, I'm too far back and going too slow to hit him, he cross the road and heads in the woods on the other side and I say -
 #$@#$ Frickin Donkey of a  DEER!
Glad I'm not a Deer Lover
 and getting ready for Deer Season - How are you?

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