I have it….. It’s like a dull ache that will not go away. I cannot pinpoint exactly when it started happening, maybe around 11/15/09 and I am told it could stick around for about seven more years. I know it started as an occasional and gradual pain, some days it is more intense than others and some days it is not there at all. (I’m usually out of town or sleeping when that happens) I am told it is a common condition that can cause significant pain, irritation, can cause your heart rate and blood pressure to rise, causes moments of rage, can add grey to your hair, lines in your forehead, inability to focus and the list goes on!!
Right now it is just a minor inconvenience, however if it does become more intense I will have to figure out what to do about it. It is caused from “contraction” although I think they meant contradiction. They say that it comes in many different shapes and sizes. Mine is about 5’4” (bigger than me already and I have six more years! They say that the source can become “inflamed” for a variety of reasons and the action of pulling away can become painful and irritating. There is no real cure, you just have to wait it out and hope that it goes away. No matter how much I want to scream and yell about it or at it, or act like a raving lunatic it doesn’t go away, stop or seem to really invoke emotion.
I swore I would never be the one to get it either. I said, “Oh, P’SHAW, that will never happen to me, because I am going to take really good care of everything. I’m going to have fun, be calm cool and collected, be positive and understanding. I just won’t have this problem.” But look at me – right in the thick of it. This is not what the overall plan or goal was –why would I want to have this issue –I should have never even started to do the things that would give me this kind of issue and life would be stress and pain free – kind of boring, really! That could be better than this! The worst part is that I have the chance to have this issue twice more in my life and within three more years! I’ll be flattened to the ground by then! Washed up, no personality left, a drooling idiot – I mean I already feel like I can’t make good decisions, I’m boring, I have no idea what it’s like because I’ve never been in other situations before. I can’t seem to operate modern conveniences despite the fact that I have had them, how on earth have I gotten this far in life – this is how it makes me feel!!
I am thinking of starting a support group but I am kind of embarrassed to let on that I am having this problem. What will people think? Will they think I am a failure, that I did something wrong? It’s weird too because I know people my same age, who do and have the things that cause this to happen and I would swear they must have it but they don’t seem like they do- does everyone just put on a good act? Is there a book on how not to let on that it’s happening to you? Is there a code to live by that I am not privy to?
Ok, I can get through this. I am in control! It will not defeat ME I will defeat IT. I might not be able to make it go away, but if it sticks around, it will be under MY control and it will not cause me pain. Once I get through this in about eleven years my life will be a dream. But I’m told by then I might have arthritis, senioritis, and colitis because of this problem! I can’t win. BEFORE this was even a problem I already had stretch marks, varicose veins, hip displacement, a broken tail bone, insane nausea and gained and lost 30lbs three times over, depriving myself of alcoholic beverages and riding rollercoaster’s for nine months, not to mention having gone through the kind of pain that makes you want to rip off the face of the person chomping YOUR crushed ice in your ear saying, It’ll be ok, it’s almost over. I mean I was OK with all of that UNTIL NOW!!!!!!!
I have Teenitis. How are you?