Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Random Statements My Dad Made -

You make a better door than a window
(this was never said nicely – it was SCREAMED and for the longest time I could NOT figure out what he meant…. A better door than a window, a better door than a window??)

If you slam that door one more time, I’m gonna slam your head in it.
(it would have been nice if the DOOR didn’t weigh 100lbs and had a spring! My friends appreciated this statement too. You should have seen the looks of horror on our faces when we remembered at the last minute they were the last one out the door and..... TOO LATE- the door just slammed shut.)

If you break your head open I am NOT taking you to the hospital.
(Said while telling us to walk up the side of the boat and throw your body between the boat and the dock if it looks like we are getting close)

If you go to jail, I will leave you there until you rot.
(No comment necessary)

Go put it in the icebox – the ICEBOX, I said the @$@ @#$@#$ ICE BOX!!
(I thought logically that an icebox was the FREEZER #@# #$%!!)

It’ll put hair on your chest.

Youv'e Got Thunder Thighs
(Again, just what a girl always wanted to hear)

Stop making that @#$@#$   %^%$^$%^$ noise!
(Said to the three of us smashed into the backseat wearing 1970’s Duffel coats on the way to church at 6:30am Sunday.)

And that is why Barn Roofs are Red
(The story he told traditionally while Christmas shopping for my Mom –because someone shot Rudolph)

I’m NOT stopping!
(Threatened every time before the 8 hour drive to Chicago – we stopped drinking fluids 24hrs prior)

If your friend jumped off a bridge would you?
(If you are chasing us, Yes!)

Stop Mumbling!
(I’d speak clearly if I wasn’t afraid of the answer!)

If you keep crying at the dinner table you are going to eat with the dogs in the garage
 (Seems like they might make better dinner companions –and my brother found out – they did.)

You will not get in that car with two boys, and if he doesn’t come to the door you are not going anywhere!
(Needless to say I didn’t date much –they also couldn’t wear jeans….)

You stayed home sick?! When I was a kid I NEVER stayed home sick !
 (Needless to say I can count on one hand the times I have missed work - and it's been for my kids)

The first place that calls you, you’re taking the job!
(Said on the first day of summer, when I was 15 – McDonalds called first – I said no,  and sweated bullets until the next call came minutes before he got home)

That is a W2 – now go to the library and figure out what to do with it.
(One Year Later)

You’re what? Put him on the phone. Do you want to stick around or do you want a check?
(Ah, the love)

PUMP the breaks!
(On my first driving lesson in a snowstorm on a hill which was a sheet of ice with a large ditch on either side because you gotta learn the hard way.)
That’s what happens when you leave garbage in the “garbage can”.
 (Said to his employees who included me, when they got to work and there was garbage all over their desks.)

If you lose or break them I will not ever buy you another pair
(Said to all three of us when we first got our glasses – this is why all three of us wear contacts and our glasses date back to 1979)

Are you hungry? You want a hot dog?
(Said at 12pm. Five hours later and still hungry– Wonder what your Mom is making for dinner?)

Stop freaking out – it’s funny!
(As our Dog a Newfoundland, was giving a friend a “hug” during my birthday party.)

Stop Freaking out – it’s funny!
(As my friends and I were woken up by the Newfoundland’s who were never allowed in the house normally, now climbing on top of us and slobbering on our sleeping bags)

You brought a CAT into our house?
(The last thing he said to my Mom for about a month AFTER her other cat mysteriously disappeared)

Why would you walk into the window?
(if it wasn’t so CLEAN, I would have known it was there! However, I do love the feeling of slamming my entire body into a solid glass window)

One more hour and I will be back
 (After hour 1 and seeing dust on his white glove from the plastic leaves of a plant in the corner of the bathroom my brothers and I shared and were told to clean)

One more Hour and I will be back
 (After hour 2 and seeing dust on his white glove from the top of the door jamb)

One more hour and I will be back
(After hour 3 and seeing dirt on his white glove from the inside of the tub faucet)

(And I wouldn’t have had it any other way!) Just fondly thinking of my Dad – How are YOU?


theresa said...

I have no clue what "You'd make a better door than a window" means? I have never even heard of it! I can see why you were confused.

Sherri said...

Ah, the great wisdom of dads! I love these, and some of them took me back about 30 or more years!