Tuesday, October 19, 2010

A Thick Neck Makes for a Hot Momma

GUILT.  I am carrying around an invisible cloak of it. Like Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak, my cloak of guilt is always there – you can’t see it but I sure can feel it. I’m not feeling guilty over one particular thing, but all sorts of small doses of guilt making that cloak heavier and heavier. I know a lot of people that just do not feel guilt, but for some reason, I feel it weighing on me and I carry it with me wherever I go. I would like to become someone who doesn’t feel it so much. A little guilt is ok – it keeps you grounded. But a lot of guilt probably isn't very healthy. Again, I haven’t done any horrible deed and I am not keeping anything a big secret here – it could be guilt over passing on bad genes to the kids (not the denim ones) or guilt over something I have said or even thought. Guilt that shouldn’t affect me for so long. I thought I would look into ways of freeing up some of this weight /guilt :

Last night my daughter was doing some math homework, she was apparently supposed to measure things – she was going around the room with her ruler and I was , well TRUTHFULLY (Step 1 is to: ADMIT the truth) I was blogging. (Feeling SOOO much better already!)

At one point my daughter started to measure ME. With a Ruler. We don’t have a tape measure. (Step 2: Don’t make excuses) I could tell you WHY we do not have a tape measure, but I’ll refrain.

While reading my favorite blogs and making my comments, yes, I was aware that my measurements were being recorded on a math paper. It didn’t occur to me until this morning what my measurements from a ruler made me look like. But let me put it this way:

According to the good ole wooden ruler measuring method, my neck is 19 inches around. Yes, you read it right, 19 inches. My arm span is 2 ½ feet. My height is 63 inches (actually correct) and my torso is 48 of those 63. My foot is 6 inches. (Step 3: Don’t try to be perfect all the time.) GOT IT. If I was trying harder to be less than perfect, I would have won a medal.

My daughter told me she was all done with her homework and I signed her assignment book – Yep. Done.

Today, while in the shower (where ALL my best thinking happens) I started to think about those measurements she had called out while I was blogging away.

Cue HORROR Music here:

My daughter’s teacher is going to picture me as a WIDE necked person with very short arms, VERY short legs and an abnormally long torso all held up by little feet. (Step 4: Learn humility)

Do you think it is OK for me to race home from work and walk right into the classroom so the teacher and all the other 20-30 teachers that had a good laugh at my expense could see me? THE REAL ME??

(Step 5: Learn from your mistakes) I will NEVER do homework and blog at the same time again.

I feel so much less guilty already.


Feeling a centimeter less guilty now, How are YOU?


Kate said...

I feel a lot of guilt. Not spending enough time with my kids, not paying enough attention when they're talking (you know...if I'm blogging), that nasty internal monologue of all the things I don't say...bleh.

Cheeseboy said...

Ha ha! No worries. We teachers don't look that close at homework. (At least most of us.) I just see if it was done and be done with it.

Joann Mannix said...

Oh my dear, I am the queen of guilt. I have to be, I'm Irish. Speaking of genes, it is our most dominant gene.

I wake up in the morning with feelings of guilt. Even the dogs make me feel guilty with just a look.

I love that story. Maybe they'll think you're a munchkin in Oz.

Doria said...

LOL... I must say I got a good laugh at your realization of what you had just signed off on and the "CUE horror music" Loved it! I wouldn't worry about it, sooner or later, she will have to meet you, no need in racing to the school to prove your daughters measurments as WAY WRONG. Glad it made you feel better :)

Fickle Cattle said...

Hahaha. No one can blame you for multi-tasking I think. Also, I so get the guilt thing. Growing up Catholic, we wear it so well, we forget it's even there.


Teresa - in the Middle Side of Life said...

you crack me up - and, today, i really needed that!

kt moxie said...

That's hilarious. Don't worry. You are not supposed to DO you kids' homework for them. I'm trying to imagine this short armed, small footed lady with the long torso... tee hee!

FreeFlying said...

What is it with guilt? I can't seem to shake it. And, really. I SO want to.


MichelleLCSW said...

That is hilarious! I can sooo relate! I obsess over my lackluster parenting skills all of the time. But one of my dearest friends (who is now a grandmother) informed me of this little known hormone that comes with pregnancy and never leaves - the "oh-my-god-what-if-i-suck-as-a-mom-and-my-kids-turn-out-WHACK?!" hormone. Aren't moms LUCKY?! =)