Saturday, October 2, 2010

Miss Piggy and Frito Breath

Yesterday at work several of us remembered our love of The Muppets when we were kids. It came up because one of the ladies had a sequined tank top on under her jacket with ample cleavage and well, we all thought of Miss Piggy’s chest. I remember Saturday nights AFTER the horrible Academic Challenge came on was Sha Na Na –still not sure what that one was about and then I think The Muppets - Or was The Muppets on Sunday nights? I can’t remember for sure now, but I do recall that The Academic Challenge music( still to this day) gave me the creeps because it always was the signal (7pm) that my parents were leaving to go out for the night. LEAVING ME ALONE WITH MY TWO OLDER BROTHERS – the second they walked out that door the two of the them were instantly on top of each other wrestling and punching- which they probably loved, but it scared the crap out of me every time. I think they did it BECAUSE it scared the crap out of me. Anyway back to The Muppets - we all re-called the Miss Piggy puppet we had and the calendar of her including a centerfold- When you think about it now it seems so ridiculous that someone first thought of a pig as resembling an attractive woman and that we all went for it! A pig and a Frog?? Come on! What were they slipping into the Kool Aide back then??

IMMEDIATLEY after work yesterday the hubby, kids and I had to go to an elementary school function. I am sorry but a gym full of screaming kids right after work makes me crazy. I have said before school functions make me feel like crying, I meant the kind where everyone sits in the auditorium and the kids are performing –this kind of function where parents sit and watch in horror as their kids run around and act like every other crazy kid, blowing their illusion that their child is sweet and mild mannered, is where I cry in pain and torture. As I sit at these kinds of things, I can just FEEL the germs attacking me. This event WAS with best intentions and the ladies who put it on did a great job. However, first mistake: Offering bags of Fritos. For some reason the smell of Fritos makes me just want to be sick and unfortunately for me, EVERYONE loves a miniature bag of Fritos and especially likes to eat them and talk to me at the same time. At one point my husband said he could see me from across the room being chatted up by a (very nice) man who happened to be eating Fritos with a vengeance, who also happened to be a close talker. He said he could just see the Fritos spraying out of the man’s mouth and the look on my face was priceless - a horrified smile and lots of nodding while slowly backing away. I remember this moment – I remember screaming in torture inside my head and yet knowing that my husband was across the room having a lovely conversation with two people who WERE NOT EATING anything and despising him immensely.

We then all piled into the auditorium to watch a Mad Scientist – the show was great and the guy was really enthusiastic – all the kids loved it and it made me think- if they only taught science like that every day, we would have mini mad scientists running around and all the problems of the world would be solved. During the show though, I had a young Mom on one side who I was beginning to fear wanted to just beat her small children for their antics and who finally just allowed them to roll on the floor while she twitched in aggravation. It was making me nervous – the twitching, knowing what she was thinking and the fact that these under three kids were rolling around on the floor – again, GERMS. On the other side of me were the group of kids who had to have their hands raised THE WHOLE TIME in anticipation that the Scientist guy would call on them to assist him. They held those arms up there so long they had to use the other arm to support it. So peripherally I could see a Mom twitching and little ones rolling, and constant waving arms. Needless to say I had the worst headache when we got home. Thank God for teachers who put up with this stuff daily – I COULD NOT DO IT. The funniest part of the night was watching the Mad Scientist who you could tell had done many a show and was becoming slightly jaded of the kids and must have had a new assistant. He would talk to her under his breath as though we couldn’t hear him but we could. As the night progressed he became more and more aggravated with her – and I have to admit it seemed as though it was her first night as the assistant or she was just not very bright. I pictured him leaving last night and getting in his car, to smoke a pack of cigarettes and then drinking heavily once he got home. No, readers this is NOT what I did – I was projecting it all on him!! I went home and begged my kids to NEVER NEVER eat another mini bag of Fritos again, and then I made myself all sexy for the froggy hubby in my Miss Piggy lingerie….. ;)

Thankful for weekends, How are You?

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