Monday, October 4, 2010

Don't Let it Expire!

I have a little tale to tell you today. A true story. One of many crazy little things that have happened to me that I forget about (usually THANKFULLY) and then something reminds me of when ________ happened.

Once upon a time I glanced at my Drivers License and saw that it was going to expire on my next birthday. I was VERY pregnant at the time and let’s just say I forgot about it. I kind of remembered it from time to time but I was busy, hormonal, busy, tired, busy and then just felt too fat to have my picture taken. Several months later for some reason or another somebody looked at my Drivers License and told me, well no STATED in HORROR yet excitement – “UH OH, your license is REALLY expired”! I didn’t think it was a big deal. I waited a little longer and when I couldn’t keep the thought out of my head any more, I called the DMV. (Dreaded being the key word) I was told that when coming in to “re-new” my license, if I drove myself there, I would promptly be arrested.

I was at work that day and I can tell you EXACTLY what I was wearing – this is important to note for later in this little tale. My husband at the time (meaning that time period but still my husband now, although it WAS touch and go after this little episode) was home during the day with the kids so I called and asked him if he could drive me the half hour to the DMV so I could re-new my license.

He told me: 1) I was an idiot. 2) I’m supposed to know when my license expires. 3) He and all three kids were still in PJ’s.

I told him: 1) I know I’m an idiot what’s his excuse? 2) I AM supposed to know when my license expires but I had been a little busy being pregnant and stuff and 3) All he had to do was DRIVE – just throw the kids in the car in their jammies, himself included, they would just be in the parking lot the whole time anyway – hey maybe they would nap?!

Needless to say thirty minutes later we were stonily driving to the DMV about 40 minutes from my office.

When I got to the DMV it was unusually crowded. I didn’t take into consideration that it being in a college town it would be so busy. I left hubby and three wide awake kids in the van and presented my expired self to the oh-so-pleasant DMV employees. I was asked if I wanted to study first. STUDY? FOR WHAT? - For the written test I had to re-take of course. Ok, so this was not a problem, certainly I knew the rules by then so I took the test. After finishing – I’d say about 40 minutes later, I was then asked to wait for the officer. FOR WHAT? For the driving portion of the test of course.

At this point I KNEW I was in BIG TROUBLE. “REALLY, I said, because you told me I couldn’t drive here so what car are we taking this driving test IN?” The oh-so-pleasant employee asked me how I had gotten to the DMV and I told her I had gotten a ride, and she then asked where my ride was, and I told her in the parking lot and she said GREAT – here’s the officer now.

I began to speed walk to the waiting van with the “officer” closely following. I told him I had to just let my “ride” know and I’d call him over when we were ready. Here is what happened next:

The window rolled down

The sounds of crying from within the car came out

My husband wanted to know if I was INSANE?

I told him I didn’t think so.

There was a lot of swearing, you have got to be kidding me’s, more swearing and doors slamming.

I waved at the Officer so he would be assured that everything was just fine, and I’d be ready in a second….

My hubby in a t-shirt shorts and sandals, with a baby carrier in one hand, a toddler in pj’s on his hip and a small boy trailing behind in full Spiderman costume with (THANK GOD) sandals on and sticky up hair stormed past.

I told the Officer I was ready! Then nervously explained how my husband works nights and I sprung this on him, and normally the kids are all dressed and cleaned up by now, but today was ONE OF THOSE DAYS of course and he kindly told me to stop talking and start driving.

Keep in mind at this point I have come from work, so I am dressed up in skirt, blouse, heels, and hose. I have just left a van with three kids and an angry husband, where I was making bribes, giving kisses, being tugged at and well, nervously worrying about the state of my marriage.

The Officer and I have a nice leisurely drive (honestly at that point I was wondering what WAS the point of a slow drive with no parallel parking, no highway driving, just a nice, round the block drive?)– me feeling like a sixteen year old again and the Officer well now that I think back, having what is shaping up to be a very nice day if he does say so himself.

We arrive back at the DMV, and the Officer avoids looking me in the eye and tells me I have passed and rushes inside. As habit goes, I look down to see that my skirt is pulled up a little too far, and FOR GOD’S SAKE WHY ARE MY BUTTONS UN-DONE?? !! REALLY. I looked like – well I looked like I was desperate to pass this test. I wanted to shout after the Officer – Wait! My boobs are still a little too big from recently having a baby, and the kids were giving me hugs and kisses and well, gosh, never mind – Thanks for passing me!!

As I sheepishly walked towards the building, I can see my husband still holding the baby carrier, holding a now screaming toddler in the other arm and Spiderman twirling around him. He sees me, storms past and says he’ll see me in the car and I’m really in trouble now. I was worried for a minute – did he SEE my buttons un-done and think I would be purposefully so stupid?

Come to find out, another thirty minutes later (after all the paperwork was done) he told me in a REALLY angry, teeth clenching way a little story:

As he stood in the hallway with three disheveled, barefoot, pj’d kids, a man came into the building.

This man happened to be the same man with whom he had an interview with the day prior.

For the Engineering job – the one he REALLY wanted.

The man thought it was such a funny coincidence that their licenses expired at the same time.

He asked when the Hubby’s birthday was.

The hubby had to tell him, no- he was just giving his wife a ride to the DMV with three kids in tow, all in pj’s,- well for the heck of it!

The man told him he THOUGHT he looked a lot different than the day before!

He didn’t get the job.

I will never let my driver’s license expire again as long as I live. So today when I saw it, I checked the date – I do this habitually now. If for some reason I am in a coma and my license happens to expire, I will call a friend – one with no children and we will NEVER let my hubby know.

Just having a little chuckle – How are YOU?


Kate said...

Oh, my goodness. What's up with the Nazis at your DMV? My license was about 7 months expired last time I had to renew it. I think I walked there bc it's about 3 blocks from my house, but I very well might have driven.

And, ok, I kind of expected some kind of scolding or red E pinned to my shirt, but they just took my picture, printed me up a new card, and sent me on my merry way.

Immediately arrested? Seriously? They have delusions of grandeur. At most, it'd be a ticket for driving with an expired license. And after your little fiasco with your husband (hilarious, btw), a ticket may have been the cheaper way to go. :)

Kelley Simpson said...

Ha! What a great story! I couldn't stop reading. I hate those kind of days, but what great laughs afterwards... I hope there were laughs afterwards. Like, maybe years later.

Thanks for the entertainment!